Thoughts Can Pin Words Like Butterflies...

What I'm Loving Lately

2012-01-20T20:56:00.004-07:00

I first discovered Homestyle Popcorn in 1999. I can honestly say it has contributed to at least 15 added pounds. I love this stuff!

Let's get this one out of the way right now. Yes, I am a dork. I spend a great deal of my day looking at the Common Core. I love it! It is quite a document, but it really does spell out most of the essential elements in a rigorous curriculum. I'm excited to look ahead 10 years and see how much better our students are prepared for college because of these standards and the accompanying assessments.

No, not babies. Sleep.

Although I'm not doing nearly enough of it.

Pinterest, of course. Joyous!

About half-way through this book right now and loving it!
Fascinating and a great escape. Thanks, Ashley!

It has just occurred to me...

2012-01-17T23:26:00.000-07:00

...that every day in my job I am doing hard (and sometimes scary) things. I find it hilarious that it has taken me five months to figure this out. But I finally put it together when I met with some leadership groups last week. Something like the meeting I attended (at the last minute, with little preparation) would have freaked me out a few months ago. Now I understand it is simply daily work. Not that I still don't get scared and intimidated.

I think things have always come easily to me. School was never hard (even grad school--not hard at all). I truly believe teaching is my calling, so even though that was hard at first (and of course hard at the end of each quarter--eh, glad I'm not dealing with that right now), overall it came pretty naturally. I don't mean to say that I was an expert by any means or had it all figured out, but it was pretty manageable.

This new job is HARD. Really, really hard. Like dig down deep hard. Like conversations I don't really want to have hard. Like I was done hashing out the word choice for this document 30 minutes ago and we are still talking about it hard. Like I don't feel good enough to do this hard. Like I don't have the slightest clue how to begin planning this professional development inservice for hundreds of teachers and I have to be in charge of the whole thing hard.

Here's the bottom line. I am freakin' proud of myself. Seriously, just beaming...when I'm not terrified that is. I AM DOING HARD WORK! Every day. It's like I take a deep breath and dive in, trusting that I'll survive. And I always do. For once it's really, really hard and I'm in--all the way. I'm not checking out. I'm not making excuses in my mind. I am working daily, almost minute by minute sometimes, to do better, be stronger, listen closer, articulate clearer, and the list continues on.

Which probably explains why I'm so tired. Well, that and the tonsillectomy.

Better

2012-01-08T00:04:00.003-07:00

Just thought I'd check in after my last post and let you know that things are going much better. Thursday and Friday I felt a bit better, but still couldn't eat anything. Friday night we went out for Andy's birthday and I was determined to eat. However, we went to Red Rock and I couldn't a single thing on the menu--nasty soup choices (eggplant or French onion), mashed potatoes (but only with horseradish!)...and that was pretty much it. They did have vanilla ice cream, but I so wanted real food! Our server was the best, I told her about my tonsillectomy and she went over the whole menu to find me something--and viola--polenta. So lovely. It was a in a marinara sauce that burned a bit, so I had to avoid that, but the lovely, warm, soft polenta was the first real food I had eaten in more than a week. It made me so happy and it really did make all the difference. Happy Birthday to Andy!

We headed back to my mom's after the birthday dinner and had the best time chatting over cake and ice cream. I know everybody loves their family, but I really like my family. Like I would choose to hang around them pretty much any time. That's about the best feeling in the world.

Today was my cute cousin Amelia's baby shower--and again--so nice to see family. My cute aunts were there and I love every chance I get to see them. I ate a little lunch, but dinner was a bust. I made a spinach florentine dish and I just couldn't get any of it down. Jeff and I went to see Tinker, Tailor, Solider, Spy which was a fun movie. Fun...no, not really fun. But interesting and a good spy movie. I managed to eat some popcorn which was a miracle.

On other notes, Kira & boyfriend, JT, are celebrating 6 months of dating. Seriously? When did that happen. Oh, and we made our own hair detangler for Olivia which is really just conditioner and water and I am super excited about that. And those are the exciting things happening around here. I'm back to work Monday so I've got to get back in gear.

Enough Already!

2012-01-04T19:45:00.001-07:00

It's now been more than a week since my surgery and I remain in limbo land. I am definitely feeling much better--more like myself, actually just more like a human. My drugs still make me pretty fuzzy, but the pain, although now more sporadic, is now more intense--so I still need to be on them. But I can't concentrate on much. I've tried to follow up on a few things for work and it's taken a lot out of me.

But my main complaint is that I can't eat. Anything really. Now even cold water kills my throat and jaw so I need to have it lukewarm. I have to eat for my meds so I usually push down a few noodles, 4-5 bites of soup, a few bites of pudding, a few sips of Slimfast...you get the idea...not much. I imagine I'm eating about 300 calories a day--at most. And I am a food lover. It's so hard watching other people eat, being SO hungry, and not being able to get anything down. It's still so sore at the back of my throat that I can only tolerate chewing and swallowing for about 4 bites.

I've been craving cheese enchiladas for several days now--and I thought I might be able to eat it because it's fairly soft. We went out tonight (first real trip out of the house) and I had forgotten about all the chewing that cheese takes. So again, about 4 bites. And the diet coke burned going down. It tasted like bitter chemicals. A most sad state of affairs. I've lost about 10 pounds which is a good thing, but really, I'd just rather be able to eat.

Christmas

2012-01-01T17:57:00.000-07:00

A highlight of our Christmas in pictures.

Treats for the neighbors

THE OLSEN NATIVITY:

Teenagers dressed as animals

Mary (Olivia) and Joseph (Dylan) enter with lone donkey (Joey)

Quiet scene at the manager set off by a lovely plaid shirt

Angels (Tember, Ellie, Emily & Gracie), Shephards (Itzy, Marshall)

Enter a new star (Miles) who wandered around stage a bit

Wise men bringing gifts (Abby & Lilly)

CHRISTMAS EVE BOWLING

(because it may never snow again)

Grandma & P

The Lovely Miss O waits for a lane

P, Mom, Andy (aka Drew) and I

P with her Grandpa Monte is the tallest girl in the place

Olivia is super pleased after knocking down all those pins

Working the set up...

Even Miles got in on the action

Kira is an impressive bowler

Jeff gets a strike

P waits for her pretty pink ball

Dinner at Madeline's post bowling. Delicious. So fun too because we had our own room.

Ready for bed

But, wait, we have to make cookies

And we have a open a present

Lightsabers are the best!

I challenge you to a duel

Christmas morning, armed with gifts from last night

Racetrack, awesome

Look at all those great presents

A book about basketball...awesome!

Flippers too!

Socks with toes!

LATER AT GRANDMA'S

Pretty Princess with a new backpack

Mom gets a new tv!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Resolutions

2012-01-01T14:44:00.000-07:00

One of my New Year's Resolutions is to live in gratitude and so I begin today:

Thankful for:

a warm bowl of mashed potatoes my husband brings
a 30 gallon humidifier pumping out lovely moisture to my scratchy throat
neighbors who bring popsicles and ice cream
day #5 of recovery--and hopefully much of it is behind me
crazy, crazy dreams that make me so happy and help remind me of what brings me joy

Are You Ready for the Lie?

2011-12-31T08:05:00.001-07:00

They'll give you all the ice cream in the world you can eat...

I am currently on day 4 of recovery from my tonsillectomy. It truly seems like a marathon. They say it make take 11 to 14 days to completely recover. After talking with my doctor, reading online discussions and talking with a few people who had it done, I was anticipating the worst. My biggest fear was pain--waking up from the surgery in pain, not being able to manage the pain for days and basically lying around screaming in agony. This was basically the picture people painted for me--even my doctor. So I was pleasantly surprised when I woke up post surgery with only a mild sore throat. The nurse gave me a few crackers and I was able to get them down. I started to have a bit more pain when the nurse gave me a shot of something lovely into my IV. Heaven. Blissful heaven. Oh, did I mention that I had no neck....attractive.

We headed right home and I got settled into bed. I was able to sleep, but not for long and couldn't figure out why. I kept feeling like something was blocking my throat but didn't know what. I couldn't figure it out because they had taken stuff out so I should be feeling better.

Ice Cream! We're gonna eat ice cream!

Then I looked in the mirror and saw it...my uvula. It was taking up most of the free space in my throat. It's pretty disturbing and makes it just a bit hard to sleep. But I was happy the pain wasn't so bad. That night was the worst--I couldn't sleep well and then the nausea started. I won't go into all the details but throwing up after throat surgery is about as horrific as you'd imagine.

Hey, you, almost a doctor....

Day 2 & 3 are already beginning to blur. Once again at night, I had the intense nausea and spent most of the night on the bathroom floor, but I didn't throw up. There's a perk because there's a high risk of bleeding with vomiting.

I'm finding my new favorite things are: percocet, popsicles, mashed potatoes, gatorade, and the best...soggy milk-soaked graham crackers.

Yesterday was actually a pretty good day. Today might even be better. I'm wondering if this is the calm before the storm, though. They say the pain gets pretty bad once the scabs start falling off.

A big thanks to my mom and Jeff who are helping so much. And for two little cuties who are trying to be good.

Christmas Traditions

2011-12-24T09:58:00.002-07:00

We have the tradition of going sledding each Christmas eve. Lately, the weather has not been helping our tradition. So the new tradition, for year #2, is bowling. Not my most favorite thing, but mostly about being together. So today we're headed to the bowling alley, then to Madeline's for an early dinner. Then baths, pjs, leaving food for the reindeers and Santa, and off to bed.

But before all that there's tons of laundry to put away, a house to clean, sugar cookies to bake and 4 more presents to wrap!

Merry Christmas to all my friends and family! Love you and hope you have a wonderful holiday!

Dot's Christmas Casserole

2011-12-22T11:28:00.000-07:00

So I don't lose it again...

And because it's nice to share...

I'm recording our traditional Christmas casserole that is outstanding. It all cooks together and becomes this cheesy loveliness, much like a souffle. We love with with fruit and croissant french toast. Yep, that's right, use croissants instead of bread. Heaven. Thanks to a former student for recommending that one.

Dorothy Golightly's Christmas Casserole
(the original recipe was huge--I've cut in thirds)
1 loaf white bread
4 c. shredded cheddar cheese
8 eggs
1 1/2 t. salt
1/4 t. pepper
1/16 t. cayenne pepper
1/4 t. dry mustard
6 c. milk
1 pound sausage

Cut bread into quarters, arrange in a 9 x 13" dish. Sprinkle with 1 c. cheese and sausage. Repeat. Beat eggs well and add remaining ingredients. Pour over bread and cheese. Let stand until egg mix is absorbed (works well overnight).

Bake uncovered in 325 degree oven for 1 1/2 hours until golden brown like a custard.

Another Surgery

2011-12-05T18:39:00.001-07:00

Ick. It's true. I thought since I had met my maximum medical out of pocket for the year, I might as well... Just kidding.

Not about the surgery though.

Tonsils. Yep a tonsillectomy. They say it's horrible. That I'll be in pain, miserable, uncomfortable. For at least a week. Then I'll just feel really crappy for another week. Yep, I'm way excited.

When is all this lovely-ness going to happen?

December 28.

At least I can get through Christmas and it won't ruin my whole break. I still have to take 1 1/2 weeks off work. No bueno.

Oh, I forgot to tell you why. Lots of sore & strep throats--yes. And sleep apnea--my tonsils are enormous. Well, one of the them is. They used to be the same size, but now my left tonsil goes to my uvula (halfway across my throat). And it has growths on it. I noticed one more than a year ago. I call it my tonsil nipple. Now there's a second one. And the first tonsil nipple is getting bigger. It's not a good sign. The doc discussed cancer a lot. Not that I have it, but precancerous cells and all that. And I am watching the nipple get bigger by the day. And my throat hurts a lot. It probably doesn't help that I'm reading The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lachs right now which is about a woman who has a very agressive form of cancer. Her cells were first sustained outside of the body (1951). HeLa cells--heard of them?

I'm sure I am fine. I am being flippant because I'm not looking forward to the pain.

I'm changing my Christmas wish...I want a humidifier and pajama pants. And a tv in my bedroom.

Craziness, Thanksgiving and a Tree

2011-12-02T18:34:00.001-07:00

We were putting up the tree today and I broke out the real camera--you know, not the phone. Which truthfully takes pretty crappy pictures, but is always on hand so I use it most of the time. In doing so I came across these.

Crazy, crazy boy. He is often doing something like this. He's so busy--all the time.

Our Thanksgiving gang (Mom, Ellie, Maddie, Olivia, Jeff, Jamie, Anne, Marshall & Miles). We had such a great time.

So thankful for this cute little boy.

Sisters! Maddie & Ellie.

And finally, our super great Christmas tree. I guess somehow we gave away our usual fake tree. We did have three fake trees so I guess we got rid of the what we thought was the worst. Unfortunately, it was the only one that fit in our family room. So we got a real tree this year. I really lucked out and ran across an ad in KSL Classifieds (still my favorite place to shop) for a Lutheran church that was selling trees for $30. You paid online and then we picked up the tree this afternoon. It is gorgeous. So, so full. This picture doesn't even do it justice. It's taking up 1/3 of our enormous family room. I've never had a really tree this nice and I think it would have cost a lot more at a tree lot. I would highly recommend them if you're in the area. Painless process. They said every tree is perfect, and after seeing ours I kind of believe it.

Prince of Peace Evangelical Lutheran Church & School

Feeling the Christmas spirit now!

Thankful

2011-11-24T19:53:00.001-07:00

for an amazing husband who cooks a turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, carrots, and stuffing AND does the dishes;

for a little boy in a plaid flannel shirt with a toothy smile from here to Sunday;

for a gorgeous, brown-eyed beauty of a Kindergartener--with gappy teeth and flowing hair;

for a beautiful, comfortable home;

for a sweet mom who gets me;

for a job that challenges me;

for Prilosec & Tylenol PM;

for Apple, crushed ice, and diet dr. pepper;

for a long dining room table with chairs for all;

for the memory today of my dad singing "Blue Moon" and getting the ba-ba-ba-ba-dang-a-dang-dang's all wrong. :)

Mostly, thankful for the happy memories that pile up and the joyous future that stretches ahead.

elf on the shelf

2011-11-20T10:30:00.001-07:00

Have you seen this cute little creation that's all the Christmas-tradition rage?

He's Santa's little helper who comes to visit your home. He keeps an eye on the kids and then each night flys back to the North Pole to report on their behavior. Parents swear that he keeps their kids in line and they rush down the stairs each morning to see what he's been up to.

Does he look a bit mischievous? Yes, yes he is. Apparently when he gets back from his flight he has plenty of energy to get into trouble. Here he is chillin' with Barbie.

I guess you just never know what he'll be up to in the night.

So I was discussing elf with Olivia. She felt very strongly that she did not want him in our house. "No, Mom, I don't want him here watching me. I mean sometimes...a lot of the time...we're bad. Miles and I are always fighting. Then Santa will know."

Exactly my point dear girl.

Office Art

2011-11-17T09:16:00.001-07:00

So I've decided I need to replace this

With one of these. It's time to be a grown-up and have some office art.

One of my favorite professors at BYU, Sirpa Grierson, had a great office with lovely art. There was always this lovely music playing and it smelled nice. I sat in there and thought...one day. Well, 14 years later I finally have an office...albeit shared. But maybe the art will make me feel more grown up. Maybe I'll even get it matted and framed...rather than my usual Plasti-tack dorm style hanging.

Do you see a theme? Yes, I'm kind of crazy about trees. The abstract piece doesn't match my tall, vertical vision for the rest, but I love it.

Which one do you like?

Enlarging My Vision

2011-11-16T12:40:00.001-07:00

Several years ago, I guess it's been about seven now...amazing how fast those years go...a co-worker introduced me to Joel Olsteen. If you don't know him, he's a pastor who has quite a following and has written several books. My friend passed along an audio version of his book Your Best Life Now and I would listen to it on my way to U while I was working on my MBA. Although I didn't agree with everything he said I found the book inspiring and listened for a number of months. At the time I was struggling with feeling out of place in my graduate program--I was one of the few females, and more importantly, one of the few people in the class who didn't have a strong math background (I took AP Calculus in high school, but NEVER took a math class in college--imagine that!). Everything felt hard. And Joel gave me some perspective.

Fast-forward to today, when I am once again struggling. My new job has been one of the biggest challenges in my adult life. This is not to say that I don't enjoy it--it's just HARD. Once again, I feel like a fish out of water. I was so comfortable in my role as a high school English teacher. And if I say so myself, I was good at it. I had it down. (Twelve years will do that). I was surrounded by amazing friends (real, real friends, not just friendly co-workers) and loved my job. Sure, there were plenty of things that drove me crazy--the end of the quarter, parents and kids begging for grades, a million interruptions to classroom instruction--but I had my niche.

The decision to make the change to the district office was one I debated about for much of the summer. Who leaves a job they love? Really. But I very much needed a change. I had been at my high school and in the same room for eleven years. I certainly wasn't the world's best teacher, but I felt I had the major obstacles down. I had been working with the people at the district and felt that it was a job I might be good at. Mostly I saw it as an opportunity for growth. A change to expand what I knew and get a different perspective. And I certainly have. I am amazed at how much I have learned in three months here. I feel like I'm getting the education on education I never had (and yes, David O. McKay School of Education, I'm pointing my finger at you).

I'm learning so much--about the importance of instruction, assessments, progress monitoring, CBMs (curriculum based measurements), common formative assessments, explicit vocabulary instruction, backwards design, skill-based reading, and a million other things that usually involve an acronym. It's tricky to learn all of this outside of the classroom because I don't have any students to practice on. So it's a lot of theory. Okay, not theory, it's all evidence-based. But with everything I hear I want to try it out to get my brain around it.

Anyway, I've gotten off my original topic. A crucial point Olsteen makes in his book is "as long as you can't imagine it, as long as you can't see it, it's not going to happen for you." This time it really got me thinking about how much I limit myself. Do I stop myself from dreaming, from envisioning my best life? Yes. And I've done it for a long time. And it's ridiculous.

Take for example the time we were newlyweds living in a condo and wanted to move into a house. I simply couldn't see it. Selling the condo and qualifying for a mortgage just didn't seem possible. I still don't know why I thought it was so impossible. One day I realized that people buy and sell houses all the time and that it was more than possible (this was 2006, by the way, remember when the market was booming?). We went to a mortgage lender and qualified for far more than we ever thought possible--in about 30 minutes. Then I listed the condo by owner and it sold in 6 days...for $5,000 above asking price. We found a house we loved and suddenly I was living my dream. The dream I never thought possible--and suddenly I was living it.

It really got me thinking today about all of the ways in which I limit myself. Where are the areas where I cannot envision success? Let me tell you that there are many. Far more than I'd like to admit. But lately as I've been making this hard adjustment I realize that I'm crippled by self-doubt. Seriously crippled. I can't make decisions and when I do I seriously doubt my choices. And today it hit me--I am my own worst enemy. Why on earth would I not be successful at this? Why can't I see myself achieving success? There is no logical answer--which leads me to assume that I can. I mean really, why am I so ridiculous? Then it made me think of one of my favorite books A Separate Peace and realize that I, like the main character in the book "construct...at infinte cost to [my]sel[f] these Maginot Lines against this enemy they thought they saw across the frontier, this enemy who never attacked that way--if her ever attacked at all: if he was indeed the enemy."

There is no enemy.

Seriously.

So, I'm thinking...

What if...

I could imagine myself...

happy

healthy

fulfilled

peaceful

content
....
the list goes on.

What if I could imagine myself thin?

Successful?

Why on earth not?

...

Happy Halloween!

2011-11-01T23:29:00.000-06:00

The kids had so much fun with Halloween this year. As usual, it was a multiple day affair.

Last week we attended the church Halloween party. The kids had a blast jumping in the bouncy house, eating lots of candy, and doing a cake walk.

Then our very own Princess Leia found a look-alike--her pal, Alex.

I think this is going to be one of those pictures that's in the family album forever! I love it. Look at those cuties who are so proud of their pumpkins.

My pumpkin--no stencils for me. Old school carving.

The force was strong the night of all Hallow's Eve. Grandma came over and we ate dinner, then the young Jedis were ready to head out.

You already guessed it--Olivia is saying, "Can we go yet?"

It was a hoot following behind Miles. This view was priceless.

Sweet

2011-10-19T08:41:00.000-06:00

I've been reading this fabulous book (see below) for a while now. It's a bit like scripture--beautiful and true and slow-going. This passage spoke to me.

"My baby is five. She falls asleep in my arms after the close of dinner prayers, us still seated at table, and I hold her long after the Farmer has put the rest of the tribe to bed, her curls damp and etching into my skin and I don’t move. Her face is turned toward mine, broad and open, eyelashes whisper of gold. I trace her lips, gentle curve of all things beautiful. The way her eyes danced today, soul light, the arch of her eyebrows and that lyrical laugh, heaven’s echo that entirely undoes me. Her breath is warm on my face, all that is alive and warm and breathing inside of her now, falling upon me, and I can’t capture it, hold it, this, her life now, me in this moment. She is leaving me, she’s growing up and moving away from me, and she stirs and I sweep back the crop of the golden ringlets. Stay, Little One, stay. Love’s a deep wound and what is a mother without a child and why can’t I hold on to now forever and her here and me here and why does time snatch away a heart I don’t think mine can beat without? Why do we all have to grow old? Why do we have to keep good-bye?"

I think every mother can relate to this. I would not stunt their growth, but the pain is real and raw as they grow, grow, and slip away. They will not always be mine. They have already started belonging to others--the school, the daycare, their teachers. And I am so grateful because I cannot do it alone. But I want more--more quiet moments with babies sleeping softly in my arms.

Voskamp, Ann (2010-12-28). One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are (Kindle Location 2282). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

Kindergarten

2011-09-16T22:08:00.002-06:00

The lovely Miss O has just finished her third week of Kindergarten and it is no surprise that she is loving it! Here's a few photos from the first day.

She was trying hard to smile but was so sad. Her dad had uprooted her precious wheat. (Okay that might need some explanation). At Challenger this summer she came home with seeds one day. We weren't sure what they were, but planted them. Later we learned it was wheat and it was growing up in all the wrong places. Jeff didn't think she'd notice, but she did...unfortunately as we stepped on to the porch on the first day of school. It was very hard to coax a smile. Hence the very strange look below. (Rest assured the wheat has been safely replanted).

Here she is with her amazing teacher. We love Mrs. Bailey! She has tons of experience and yet is up on the latest research. And best of all she LOVES the kids.

And here's the gang (Alex, Destiny, Camri, Mary and Olivia). It's so fun to have all of her pals in her class.

I'm so happy she's loving school and all that comes with it. Everything is exciting--library day, music, stories, crayons, where to sit on the rug, the playground. Monday was the school carnival and the kids loved every minute of it.

Miles was so brave. He went down as many slides as he could.

Olivia, too.

What a great night!

Summer Bucket List...Revisited

2011-09-13T17:59:00.000-06:00

With these lovely fall temperatures it does feel like summer is actually ending. I'm not gonna lie, this summer wasn't the best in terms of really diving into summer fun activities. With lots of meetings and the prospect of a new job, I never felt that I really got a break. O & M had so much fun running around with the neighbor kids though. And looking over our list we did accomplish a lot.

~~Go camping~~

(Oh, I don't think I ever told you the story. Yes, we went camping and had a great time. We had a lovely little campsite and it felt great to back up our Pilot and cook on a fire. It was nice being with just the little kiddos and eating lots of s'mores. We hit the lake the second morning in our little rented canoe. It was a bit tipsy, but we thought we were fine until we were headed back and Miles jumped to the other side of the boat. He was behind me so I didn't even know what happened, but suddenly I was hitting FREEZING cold water. Panicked, I got the kids out from under the boat, and then tried to get everyone calmed down. We were out there a while before someone came to rescue us (really grateful for PFDs). Couldn't get the kids back in the boat after that. Ah, memories.)

~~Eat ice cream~~

~~Eat popsicles~~

(I'm very pleased that I listed them on the "to do" list. Makes me feel like I have accomplished a great deal.)

~~Paint the hou~~se (well, really, have Matthew do it)

(Oh, did you notice that the "se" is not crossed off. No, not a mistake. Matthew is so, so almost done painted our house. I has taken over five months and has been the most ridiculous thing. He isn't even painting the whole house, just the boards that are the trim. He would come about every two weeks for a few hours. Sometimes he would hit it harder, but the whole thing has been so frustrating. Currently, there are two very small boards that need replacing and when they are done I can officially say the project is done. But not yet.)

~~Jump on the trampoline~~

~~Water the flowers~~

~~Read Dandelion Wine (since I've assigned it for summer reading)~~

(Didn't need to read it after all, but I'm glad I did.)

~~Fix the fence~~

(Hooray! Just this last week or so. We were happily surprised one morning when our backyard neighbor's children were working on our falling-over-fence. They spent the weekend shoring things up and getting it a bit more stable. There's still work to do, but at least it's sturdy. Just a few days later we got our front fence and gate fixed. The gate was in such bad shape from dragging on the ground that it needed to be completely replaced. We had a few posts added to secure the fence. The best part is that Scout the dog doesn't get out anymore! Yipee! I was so tired of chasing her all over the neighborhood. We're just trying to keep the fence going for another season or two. We plan to level the side yard and that will require a new fence anyway. Now we just need to paint!)

~~Install a railing~~

(Love it! I'm so glad we have this and it's so much safer. I wish I had done it last year when we first moved in. And our renters actually have a handrail.)

Sew something

(Didn't do that--not sure if I want to.)

~~Keep the house reasonably clean~~

(Sure, why not? That's a hard thing to evaluate.)

~~Get into a good morning routine~~

~~Plant trees!~~

~~Have a BBQ~~

~~Make s’mores~~

Eat a snow cone

~~Go to an arts festival~~

Have a picnic

Go to the mountains

Sit and do nothing

~~Put some money in savings~~

(Shockingly, yes. We did this. I'm so proud of us.)

~~Have a garage sale~~

Clean out the playroom (and get rid of 60% of the toys)

(I still really want to get this done!)

~~Go swimming~~

(like once I think)

~~Go to Las Vegas~~

Daydream

Attend a Bees game

Ride the Snowbird Tram

~~Go to a Farmers' Market~~

Hike to Red Pine Lake in Little Cottonwood Canyon

Go to the library

Get a cherry limeade

Eat ~~lots~~ some berries

~~Go to the zoo~~

~~Eat lots of watermelon~~

~~Run through the sprinklers~~

Grill at least once a week

(definitely not, maybe we can get a few more in)

Go to a drive-in movie theater

Feel that nothing on this list is essential

(Happy about this one. Because summer really isn't a time for lists. It was nice to set some fun goals, though).

Amazing that it's the middle of September already! Where does the time go?

The New Gig

2011-09-07T20:58:00.002-06:00

I've been a bad blogger lately--sorry about that. Life is always busy and full, but especially so lately. I think anytime there is change it's difficult and it makes you tired. Between my new job and Olivia starting Kindergarten we've been awfully exhausted around here.

So for the new job. I like it a lot. (Have I reverted to second grade now?). I like it better than I thought I would. Not that I thought I wouldn't like it...I just had concerns. I love the people I work with and I love working as a team. I don't know that I've ever done that to this extent before. We really rely on each other to keep things moving, to inspire each other in the next direction, be prepared, not drop the ball, etc. And it's great to be part of a team that is doing such good things. Everyone in the department works tirelessly with the goal of doing what's best for kids. I fit in very well (that's awfully presumptuous of me) and feel that the work we're doing is important. If people ask what I do I sometimes joke and say--send emails and go to meetings, because sometimes that's what it feels like.

Let me give you a feel for what I do. For example, this week I've been to high school and social studies meeting--there I found out about Constitution Day next week which we are helping to plan (the Constitution & 5th graders...not my fortes). I also met with teachers at the technical center to let them know about the new math and English Language Arts cores and the reading and writing sections and how they pertain to them. Then staff meeting and literacy meeting where I realized absolutely how much there is to do. Then BLT Meeting all day tomorrow (Building Leadership Team) with the Constitution planning meeting afterwords. That's a lot of meetings :) And that's just three days.

And that's why I haven't been blogging.

It's weird because when you come home from a full day of teaching you are bone-tired. Oh so weary and brain dead. I don't feel that way all the time anymore. Instead my brain isn't quite sure where to land. I'm worrying about things, but not quite sure what to worry about. I'm learning a great deal and I'm truly excited about the process of learning more.

Next time I'll have to update you on what's been happening in our yard. It is Oh, So Exciting to me.

Blog Porn

2011-08-23T09:37:00.003-06:00

True Confession: I'm kind of crazy about blogs. I haven't had much time lately, but I recently had to list "checking out blogs" as one of my favorite things to do (because I was being honest). There are many on my sidebar that I try to hit everyday. It's become a bit of a compulsion. I love checking out projects and what great ideas are out there in the world. But the truth is, it really does leave me a bit unfulfilled. Because I'm not doing that. Whatever that is. And my house is messy, I haven't been making my own entertainment center, console table, or beautiful bead-board built-ins. I haven't installed board & batten anywhere, spray painted my fixtures, or labeled the contents of my refrigerator. Often a good day for me is when we don't yell at each other (too much), the kids are reasonably clean, Olivia's hair isn't a complete rat's nest, and the floors, albeit dirty, aren't sticky.

It's easy to see the world presented in blogs as reality, much like the Photoshopped supermodels in magazines. I am wooed and sucked in, and before I know it, I feel inadequate. I know it's something my Creator would not want me to feel. It's something that I don't want to feel. I guess that's why I loved the post that Suze Davis re-posted on her blog from Emily at Jones Design Company.

"I write a blog. And I do love it.

But before I was a blogger, I was a reader of blogs. Lots of them. And I still am.

My intention with this post was to share a list of the blogs that I love … and that will come … but I feel this need to share something else instead. Something not quite as fluffy as blogs I love, but probably important to say since it’s been on my heart for quite some time.

Comparison. Insecurity. Self-righteousness.

Ugh.

My best friend says that blogs are like pornography for women. Now don’t be offended. I know that it’s a pretty raunchy comparison, but bear with me. The thing about pornography that traps so many is the lure of something almost reality. The women are gorgeous and tight, they’ll say what you want to hear and do what your wildest dreams could only imagine. They give you promise of something so good, but always leave you feeling inadequate, let down, and unsatisfied with your true reality. And yet that promise is so tantalizing, you keep coming back for more.

The same can be true of blog-reading. It all looks so good and attractive, is inspiring and encouraging {even addicting}, but you often walk away feeling inadequate, let down and unsatisfied with your true reality.

We get so absorbed in and enchanted by the life of whosever blog we’re reading that when we step back from the computer and look around at the beautiful mess that is our real life, we feel like we don’t measure up.

How many times have I had these thoughts …

I wish I was as creative as Ashley Ann.

If only my house looked like Erica’s.

I will never be as full of wisdom as Angie.

Or as chic as Seleta.

Or as clever as Kasey.

Or as good a mom as Meg.

and on and on and on.

I don’t know these ladies, but in my few interactions with them I can say that none of them intend to make others feel this way. They are beautiful women who are simply sharing their lives.

But this is the problem with blogs. We present what we want to {typically only the best of life} and put on a front that we have it all together. Of course that is what I want to write about. Who wants to read about my bad hair day and the bad attitude that followed? Or the frustration I feel when I just want to eat my own breakfast and wish my children would leave me alone for five minutes!? Sometimes posts like that happen, but the majority of them are happy, clean and pretty.

What breaks my heart, sweet reader, is that in my attempt to share the best of my life with you, perhaps I have left you feeling somehow inadequate.

That your home doesn’t measure up. Or your talents. Or your children {or lack thereof}.

And that is truly not my intention.

My maiden name is Jones and I find it quite ironic that my biggest struggle of all is comparison.

You know, the whole keeping up with the Joneses thing?

Oh, how I am completely aware of it in my own life.

It is a constant struggle for me to be able to look at other’s successes and be genuinely happy for them without that little nudge of insecurity to creep in. And on the other side, it is a challenge for me to look at my own successes and not feel like I am somehow better than another.

To be in that place where I am fully confident in who God made me to be and have no need to compare myself is where I am headed, but I am not yet there.

I read this devotion to my children months ago and it has stuck with me:

“Stop comparing yourself to other people. When you compare yourself to others, you end up either feeling that you’re better than they are, or feeling bad about yourself. Neither of those things is what I want for you.

I created each of My children with unique talents. And I have given each of you your own road to follow. So it is useless to compare yourself to someone else – that person has a completely different path to follow.

When you want to feel good about yourself, remember how much I love you. Remember that I made you just the way I want you to be. And remember that I died so you could have My salvation. You are a jewel in My crown.”

Isn’t that good? Written for little ones, but pierces my soul with its truth.

So this is what I am trying to say …

I love reading blogs. There are so many ridiculously creative, talented, wise women who I am daily inspired by. And I want so much to be able to leave their little corner of the web feeling encouraged rather than defeated. That is a decision that is completely up to me. It is all about confidence … knowing who I am and whose I am.

At the same time, I want my little corner that is Jones Design Company to be a place where you can also come to be encouraged and inspired. I try my best to be my genuine self and I hope you know that while I try to be as honest as possible, this is not the perfect representation of me and my life. I am terrible at making meals. My closet is a wreck. I like crass jokes and am very goofy in real life. I cry at stupid things {like the beluga whales doing tricks at the zoo} and I haven’t opened my bible in a week.

I love reading blogs. And I will share with you a list of some of my favorites. But I just wanted to get it out on the table that sometimes I struggle mightily with feeling insecure when I read these blogs. I’m not sure if you feel the same way, but I’m guessing that since women can be very insecure creatures, perhaps you can identify.

But just remember {and I say this to myself as well} that you were made to be you. Not Ashley Ann or Meg or Seleta {who are all delightful, I am sure}, but just you."

Anyone else out there feel the same way?

Hello Again

2011-08-07T12:08:00.010-06:00

Sorry I've been an absent blogger lately. (I know you've been faithfully checking daily for updates :)). There's been lots going on here. We've been busy with obligations and doing the things we enjoy. I'll let you know what we've been up to.

1. Home Improvement

As always, right? I'm just not happy if there's not a project (or two or three) going on. I mentioned earlier that we built a wrapping paper organizer. I love it! It's so nice to have everything in one place. But of course life is funny, so as soon as we got this up, I realized that I have TONS of gift bags and no room to store them. But, with the help of google I found a solution.

Now I just have to find time to make it. I've already bought some lovely fabric and I don't think it will take long. But then again, I always underestimate how long things will take and overestimate how much free time I have, so look for an update around Christmas.

This was formerly the chandelier in our entry way (way too small) and it was brass. I just got a can of RustOleum's heirloom white and sprayed it on the front lawn. It classes up the laundry room and maybe one day you will see this room with lovely new cabinets. So much better than the long florescent light that ran the length of the ceiling. (Note to self: Ask Jeff to patch the ceiling).

2. Day-to-Day Living

We made the most lovely dessert ever. The bottom is cookie dough, then oreos in the middle, then brownie mix on top. Serve warm with vanilla bean ice cream and homemade caramel sauce. So good! Most of us couldn't even finish it because it was so rich.

And we invited Kira's boyfriend, J.T., over to join us. Yep, that's right, Kira has a boyfriend. He did his 16-year-old boy duty and ate his entire dessert and then some. We were amazed.

Olivia finished up at Challenger and got her Alphabet Crown. It's a big deal. It means she knows all of her letters and their sounds. She's also holding up her report card here. Good job, Pookie!

O with her best pal, Mary. Mary lives just a few doors down and they love to spend time together. She wakes up wanting to play with her and would stay out playing with Mary until midnight if we let her.

Fun with homemade play-dough. Even Jenny (aka Mom) joined in.

Miles was mostly the one who needed a hair cut, but Olivia got a trim too. We love Cookie Cutters where they make it so fun for kids! Olivia was thrilled with her braid and hair glitter.

Buddy looking so handsome. He was great for the stylist. So nice to have the hair out of his eyes. I really like long hair on boys (not a fan of the buzz cuts), but you sure have to cut it more often when it's long.

Jeff & Olivia "fighting" in our bedroom. Jeff is trying to teach her how to be tough.

3. Martin Harris Pageant (Clarkston, UT)

This is an interesting pageant. We're not really pageant people, but it was fun to see family and spend time together. The entire thing is in the cemetery where Martin Harris (one of the three witnesses to the Book of Mormon) is buried. It was odd and Clarkston is in the middle of no where.

The kids had fun dressing up in period pieces.

Miles only wanted the pretty hats. Who can blame him?

4. New Job

I mentioned that I was going to interview for a new job, and sure enough, it all worked out and I got it. I will be working for Canyons School District (my current district) in their Evidence Based Learning department (Office of Curriculum & Professional Development). As for exactly what I'll be doing I'm not quite sure yet. Certainly working with English teachers and possibly Social Studies teachers as well.

It's an intense adjustment. I hadn't anticipated feeling any sadness at leaving my teaching job at Jordan High, so I was overwhelmed with emotions once I found out and once they announced it to the teachers (we were in meetings together last week). Wednesday night I took the kids to Walmart, passed the school supplies and burst into tears--no more classroom for me. Crazy, I know. I am so excited and happy for a change, new challenges, and learning more; I just didn't think it would be this hard to let go of being a classroom teacher. It's such a part of my identity and I feel like my word is slightly off. I will miss my JHS Beetdiggers, but luckily still get to work with many of them.

Here we are cleaning out my classroom. We spent about three hours on Friday going through stuff and didn't even make a dent. I guess 11 years of stuff really adds up. Jeff couldn't believe how much stuff I had crammed into cupboards (especially those bottom ones that I never got into). If you look on the table against the window you will see dozens of three-ring binders stacked up. I'm hoping to keep one of everything and then scan them. Hopefully it will lead to a lot less paper. The stacks closest in the picture are "one of everything" that need to be scanned--just from the first four drawers in the filing cabinet. Oh me, oh my. My dear co-worker, Alaina, came to help. It was so nice to have another teacher going through my files because she "got it." Plus, she's intensely organized! (Yes, even more than me).

Isn't it a great classroom?

5. Cromar Family Reunion

After going through my classroom we headed up to Heber to the church-owned Heber Valley Camp for a reunion with Jeff's family. We've done this bi-annually about three times now and we always love it. We loaded up the car and the kids and headed out. Miles would not smile so he does not get the honor of having his picture displayed.

It's a lovely area just east of Heber with cabins, bathrooms, and a pavilion. Not really roughing it, but enough to feel like you're getting away. It was really good for me that my cell phone didn't work.

It's just south of where my family had a cabin during my teen years, so there's always a lot of reminiscing for me. This was the first time I had been up since my dad died. And on the way there I had an intense flashback of driving down the 40 where he was teaching me how to drive. He was micromanaging my every move and it was driving me crazy. And the emotion and loss cut into me. One minute I'm laughing and dancing to music, the next sobbing for the loss of my dad and wishing I could change my annoyance with him as a teenager. That's a tricky part of grief--the unexpectedness of it. He LOVED that cabin.

Family games in the pavilion are essential.

Jeff is very excited about the shovel Shanna is letting him borrow for next week's adventures.

Such a beautiful setting.

Miles playing one of the ancestors. He had no idea what to do with the orange thing.

Abby, Olivia & Emily. All right about the same age, enjoying s'mores. The cousins made the trip for her.

Miles as another ancestor. Please don't ask me who.

And Miles enjoying s'mores. He was sticky and filthy the whole time, which meant he was having a great time.

And to wrap up the weekend I conquered my fears and did the zip-line. It involved climbing up a rope ladder (about 25 feet high), walking across a "ladder" at the top, and then leaping off a high pole to my imminent death. (Okay, not really). I took a deep breath and attacked it. I'm using it as a metaphor for this new phase of my life--doing things that surprise myself and growing beyond my comfort zone.

Why Today Is Rock Awesome

2011-07-26T21:55:00.004-06:00

It probably all began because I made my bed. And Olivia didn't get Miles out of bed so I didn't wake up to crazy chaotic screaming and sibling rivalry, which is how I wake up most mornings.

Here are the other things that made today the best:

I did the thing I most dreaded first thing
I did the dishes before 9 a.m.
Cleared out two bags of stuff I never wear from my closet
Took the stuff to DI
Returned stuff to the store
Fed children
Miles took an enormous nap
I started thinking about dinner about 1 p.m. (it really did make things much less stressful)
Olivia played at her friend Mary's house (there was an odd quiet around here)
I painted one of these

I sewed one of these

I made some of these

And some of these

And watched some of this

But more than all of these things today I felt centered; I felt alive; I felt like me. I guess it's been a while.

2011-07-25T09:35:00.003-06:00

Stealing an idea from another blog, I thought this was a great way to give you an update.

What I'm thinking: That summer is going too fast, yet I'll be ready for the return in the fall. That my babies are growing up too fast--Olivia in kindergarten this fall! That I need to get my butt in shape.

What I'm reading: I'm about a third of the way through Reading Lolita in Tehran which I've been wanting to read for years. It's interesting, but dense for a summer read. I got tired of Gatsby on trial last night (a section of the book) so I downloaded Tina Fey's Bossypants. At page one I was already laughing.

What I'm listening to: Kids fighting over everything (I thought three years age difference and different genders would negate fighting, but no). Currently having sand wars and shrieking (not in a good way). The dog barking, barking, barking. (Grrrr!)

What we're learning: Learning that change can be a good and necessary thing. Learning that things aren't always as they first appear. That I don't know myself nearly as well as I thought. (Details coming). Olivia is learning letter sounds, vowels, and blending. Three more days at Challenger! She's learned a great deal this summer.

What I'm watching: A whole lot of Friday Night Lights. I'm kind of addicted. I really don't watch anything else, but try to get in two hours a day (it's like a part time job). I'm also watching my kids grow right before my eyes (I swear they've each grown 5" this summer).

What's cooking: Not too much. I seem to go in cooking spurts. My favorites recently have been Chicken Cordon Bleu, Chicken Broccoli Braid, and Irish Soda Bread (recipe at the bottom of the page; I made it with Craisins and it's really more like a scone). Then for the past few days I really haven't done much cooking.

What I'm buying: A new quilt for our bed because the down comforter is too hot. It's really hard to find a quilt that's cute, maybe a little traditional, but not grandma-looking. I finally settled on a great duvet (from PB by way of Downeast Home) and put an older quilt inside of it. (I guess I could have done that with the old duvet cover, but it was fun to get something new.

What I'm thankful for: My sweet little kiddos, a husband who helps, a beautiful home, summer and time to do what I want.

What I'm creating: Whipped out the sewing machine yesterday--I've decided it's time to finish sewing Olivia's cute summer shirt that I started in February. It makes sense to finish it while it's still her size. Now I just need to figure out where the pink thread is, and how to thread the new machine. Then we'll be in business. Also just finished painting the trim in the master bath (covering that oak), installing new blinds, and now installing new doors and knobs. I figure if I focus on one room at a time in this house I may not go crazy.

What I'm praying: For more patience--absolutely. For the strength to change what I know needs changing. For Tammy and Dad Olsen.

What I'm planning: A job interview on Friday, "camping" with the Olsens in two weeks, and camping (like no running water and port-a-potties) in three weeks. I think that last one is going to take tons of preparation. I'm working on enjoying the planning though and trying not to stress out.

What we did this last weekend: I guess it's Monday, but it still feels like the weekend since we're having Pioneer Day today. Friday we went to the zoo (Kira too) where it was so hot and crowded--fun too. Friday night we watched Indian Jones & the Temple of Doom with Kira and her boyfriend (yes, you read that right). Weird to see him with his arm around her. Saturday was a lazy day around the house. Jeff had a date with his friend Jason, and I did some quilt shopping. Yesterday we played hooky from church and then went to the Olsen's for a bbq last night. So fun to catch up with everyone! We have missed Ross & RuthAnn since they moved to Millville (Logan area).

What I'm looking forward to: More summer, camping, one day living in a clean house, new challenges.

A picture to share:

Addiction

2011-07-18T18:08:00.003-06:00

I think addiction is an interesting thing. I don't really feel like I have any, but if I'm honest there's this one...

and this one...

and this one...(but it's a pretty good one)

and most recently this one...

and of course that addiction has led me to many others--and what has been consuming me lately is...

And now I have all kinds of new things to play with. Like clothing...

lovely outdoor ideas...

stuff I want to buy...

a million ideas for the home...

and one thing that didn't work at all...

I'm having so much fun!

Awesome Times

2011-07-12T13:25:00.000-06:00

I think this is the best picture in the whole world.

black dresser and teal dresser 009[4].jpg (image)

2011-07-11T14:00:00.001-06:00

black dresser and teal dresser 009[4].jpg (image) (clipped to polyvore.com)

Updates

2011-07-05T12:37:00.011-06:00

So much has been happening around here and I've been in summer relaxation mode. Well, not really, we've had many projects we've been working on; I'd love to share them with you. I'm most excited about the changes in our yard.

1. A Sandbox

The play set we installed has a rectangular area underneath the fort for a picnic table or a sandbox. We've wanted to make it happen, but it really all came about when Olivia had a play date with her friend Alex, whose mom had a heaping pile of lovely sand on her driveway that she wanted to get rid of. Imagine that! I talked Jeff into heading over. We scooped it up in shopping bags (so classy) and loaded up the car. We also wanted to install some weed barrier. But weed barrier is ridiculously expensive. And I realized that we really don't want moisture to get through, unlike in a flowerbed. So I had the bright idea to get a thick painter's tarp. Much cheaper AND more effective. Love it! We stapled that down well and voila! A sandbox.

Olivia & Alex outside the Disneyland gates. It was a completely unplanned random meeting.

*Please Note: Above ka-ka in child's mouth (binky) is now gone! We are 4 days ka-ka free!

2. Trees & Bushes

Two lovely Swedish Aspen along the fence.

Three more Swedish Aspen along the fence.

Two Honeylocusts on the side of the playground. (Our plan called for 3" caliper honeylocusts, but as they were $400 each and not available anywhere, we decided to plant skinny little 1"ers and learn some patience). Did you catch that though, 7 new trees! We've gone from just 1 junky tree in the backyard to 8. Love it!

Goldflame Spirea & Creeping Phlox in the front bed. Pineleaf Penstemon comes in today at our new favorite nursery, Wasatch Shadows. They carry everything we need!

I love learning about plants and am becoming quite the botanist and arborist (one who studies trees and shrubs). I also am loving horticulture (the art of garden cultivation and management). And I am learning new words.

3. Inside Details

I made a wreath for my front door and I really like how it turned out. It's HUGE--I'm so glad I didn't buy the larger wreath--it wouldn't have fit on the door. Every pre-made wreath I found was either stupidly wimpy or very, very expensive. I hit the Hobby Lobby half-off sale and improvised. I was worried because I'm not a huge fan of color--especially summer bright colors. So I stuck with cream (and green and brown of course). The purple added some needed depth.

New master bedroom lights thanks to a great knock-off on Copy Chat Chic.

$20 each instead of PB's $129.

They really add some much needed light to the cavernous room.

Saw these darling pillows on Ballad Design but wasn't thrilled with the $59 each price tag. So I decided to make my own.

I bought some burlap on sale at Hobby Lobby, then bought some pillow inserts and iron-on embroidered letters. Really easy. And I think the whole thing (including the inserts) cost about $20.

I'll have to fill out in with some more updates later. Try to contain your excitement :)

Preschool Graduation-May 20

2011-06-26T21:27:00.003-06:00

So this is a little late in coming, but Miss O graduated from preschool! We are so happy for her. We were holding our breath and just hoping and praying she would make it through. She had some make-up packets to do, but she pulled through :). The whole family celebrated her magnificent success.

She's in the orange sunglasses. She spent most of the ceremony staring at her boyfriend, Gage (green sunglasses).

Here she is with her teachers looking so proud.

And with Grandma. So glad she could come.

With Mom and Dad. (No, I don't know what Jeff's looking at).

And Miles with Teacher Mina, his favorite. He keeps asking about her all summer.

Summer Misc.

2011-06-21T15:49:00.003-06:00

i'm dreaming of trees

After a fabulous long weekend in Vegas we are settling into day to day summer life. So far it involves:

turning on the a/c for the first time this summer
breaking out the kiddie pool
shuttling Olivia to her pre-K morning summer class
shuttling Kira to cheerleading practice
recuperating Miles from the trip (that means naps)
reading Unbroken which is a real page turner
trying to figure out where all the money went

This weekend

2011-06-16T08:51:00.003-06:00

we're headed to

for a

Hooray!
Congrats to my cousin MacKenzie & her husband-to-be, Jacob.

Summer 2011 Bucket List

2011-06-11T10:32:00.010-06:00

Yesterday, June 11, marked the first day of summer for me. School was out on Wednesday, but I’ve spent the last two days in meetings so now summer can officially begin. I am back to school on August 15, so that really only leaves two months! What happened to summer? Oh, I know, we get a week off for Thanksgiving and Spring Break, and two weeks for Christmas. I would rather have a shorter summer and get the breaks during the year—they are really needed. Actually I’d rather have breaks during the year AND be out from Memorial to Labor Day, but I don’t know if we’ll ever see that again.

So it’s going to be a short summer. Compound that with the ten days of meetings I have this summer, and that means there are only 56 precious summer days. We’d better get busy relaxing and having a great time.

So in the spirit of Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman here is our summer bucket list:

Go camping

Eat ice cream

Eat popsicles

Paint the house (well, really, have Matthew do it)

~~Jump on the trampoline~~

Water the flowers

Read Dandelion Wine (since I've assigned it for summer reading)

Fix the fence

Install a railing

Sew something

Keep the house reasonably clean

Get into a good morning routine

Plant trees!

Have a BBQ

Make s’mores

Eat a snow cone

Go to an arts festival

Have a picnic

Go to the mountains

Sit and do nothing

Put some money in savings

Have a garage sale

Clean out the playroom (and get rid of 60% of the toys)

Go swimming

Go to Las Vegas

Daydream

Attend a Bees game

Ride the Snowbird Tram

Go to a Farmers' Market

Hike to Red Pine Lake in Little Cottonwood Canyon

Go to the library

Get a cherry limeade

Eat lots of berries

Go to the zoo

Eat lots of watermelon

Run through the sprinklers

Grill at least once a week

Go to a drive-in movie theater

Feel that nothing on this list is essential

This Weekend's Projects

2011-05-30T21:42:00.003-06:00

Despite terrible weather today we're not giving up on the promise of summer. Seven more days of school!

Hostas (pronounced ha-stas) in the backyard.

I'm excited to see them fill in what has always been an eyesore.

I believe this was taken shortly after the hail. It always feels like summer when the annuals go in the pots and the pillows come out of storage.

Happy hostas in the background.

Grow, baby, grow.

I'm So Glad It's This Weekend and Not Last

2011-05-28T22:40:00.003-06:00

Last weekend we set up the play set that has been hanging out in our garage for a year or so. We wanted to wait until it wasn't raining, but I'm beginning to think that's never going to happen. It kind of took us all weekend. Like 20 hours. But I'm SO glad it's done.

We got all the wood parts laid out. Keeping track over everything made my brain swim.

Cute boy saying "cheese."

She's so cute, but looks tired and spacey here.

Ah, the frame is up.

Slats and roof supports.

Jeff is swearing as he smiles :)

More roof supports. Getting the roof on was the hardest part.

Uh, I wasn't so good at taking pictures on day 2. So there she is, all done.

The kids love it.

The side yard, aka, kids' play area. I'm hoping we recoup our 20 hours in all the time we save trying to keep them entertained.

Fat House in a Little Yard

2011-05-28T22:18:00.003-06:00

So, if I haven't mentioned it before we have a pretty cool house. I feel super lucky to live in this house and love my neighbors and the area. I love having a two story, three car garage, lots of space, money coming in from our renters, a great master bedroom, etc, etc. etc. You've heard it before. But the thing I don't really talk about is the backyard. Uh....there's a reason for that. Our yard is bad. Like really unattractive. No trees. No privacy. Also, who had the bright idea to put a 1800 square foot main floor with a three car garage on .21 acres? Really. That's not smart.

So I almost didn't buy this home because of the yard. Then I realized there was enough room for a patio and a swing set and who needs much more than that? We had more than 1/3 of an acre before and all we did was mow and go to work to pay the water bill. We really didn't use it all. So we've decided to make the most of our yard because we will probably be here for a long time. I'm all about DIY, but in this case I really felt we needed a professional. In comes the landscape architect. For the past two weeks we've been meeting with him and laying out a plan for our yard and I'm so excited. We meet with him Monday to get the pretty colored one, but here's a basic outline.

He's specified all the plantings and we decided to raise the side yard (it's currently sloping to the street) so we will have much more usable space. The plan also includes a great paver patio with a beautiful pergola for shade. And lots of trees. I'm really crazy about trees. It feels a little bit like Christmas. Of course this is just a plan right now and not a reality. And it will be a slowly evolving plan, like at least a decade I imagine. But at least we know where we're going and we know it can be great.

My Personality Test Results

2011-05-26T10:55:00.001-06:00

ENFJ - Pedagogue

ENFJ's are outstanding group leaders. They try hard to help others be the best that they can be. 5% of the total population.

The ENFJ's optimistic outlook toward social relationships is a burden to them at times. When external conflicts affect a group, the ENFJ is likely to assume responsibility. Their ability to empathize then turns into a liability. ENFJ's, when over-identifying with the pain of others, will lose sight of their own concerns and interests. Their idealism can also be the cause of some distress when their assumptions are unable to weather the winds of reality. Fantasized relationships rarely translate into reality and even the best charismatic leader encounters unexpected resistance.

Like all NFs, ENFJ's will disassociate themselves from stressful situations in an effort to protect their sense of well-being and togetherness. The ENFJ, however, will repress the unpleasant side of life only to have to face it later in an intensified form when it explodes from its hiding place. It can manifest itself as fits of anger, sudden outbursts, or emotional explosions. Often the ENFJ's body will reflect pent-up stress by manifesting various physical symptoms that will erupt unexpectedly.

Careers

This lists represent careers and jobs people of your type tend to enjoy doing. The job requirements are similar to the personality tendencies of your personality type. It is important to remember that this is not a list of all the jobs possible. And it is very important to remember that people can, and frequently do, fill jobs that are dissimilar to their personality... this happens all the time...and sometimes works out quite well.

entertainer
recruiter
artist
newscaster
writer/journalist
recreation director
librarian
facilitator
politician
psychologist
housing director
career counselor
sales trainer
travel agent
program designer
corporate/team trainer
child welfare worker
social worker (elderly...services)
interpreter/translator
occupational therapist
executive: small business
alcohol/drug counselor
sales manager

Backyard

2011-05-25T11:31:00.003-06:00

I have this vision of what our backyard should look like and an awesome part of it is this. Isn't it lovely? I have wonderful dinner parties where we dine al fresco and chat late into the night with shimmering lights and a canopy of trees overhead. Ahhh....Of course here is the current state of affairs. There are other more depressing elements, but this shot exemplifies the reality well. Better to imagine it....

Master Bath Reveal

2011-05-23T19:57:00.007-06:00

I know you've all been anxiously waiting for the big reveal. It's amazing how much time these projects take. I spent all last weekend, Monday and Tuesday painting. Then finally got knobs on on Friday....Then this Saturday we started on another big project so I didn't even have time to clean up. It's good I have a blog or maybe I never would have.

Okay, remember what she looked like before?

Ta-da! It's amazing what a coat (or five) of paint, some shiny knobs and a new rug will do. (Oh, and I painted the formerly yellow walls a mellow tan this winter). I love it because it looks so much more modern and fresh. The oak with the light stain showing all the grain always looks so busy to me. This feels much calmer.

Here's the product I used. I read about it on Censational Girl and it worked out very well.

There are lots of steps though. First you have to get everything out of your cupboards and drawers, take off all the hardware, and wash everything with soap and water. (It was really nice to get 20 years of grime off). Oh, and it's good to have a diet coke during this process.

Sometimes little girls (and fifteen year old girls) want to help. Take them up on it. After "deglossing" you apply two coats of the base coat (waiting 2-3 hours between each coat).

I opted to paint every bit of the cupboard--the inside walls and shelves, back of doors, inside of drawers, etc. I just didn't want to be reminded of the light oak. The only area I didn't get at all was the sides (and back) of the drawer bank. I'm sure I'll never see that.

If you use your kitchen bar to lay out doors, know that you'll be eating take-out and sandwiches for three days. Because after the two base coats you can apply a glaze--I did--and then wait 7 hours to dry before putting on the top coat. (Don't you think I need to do the kitchen cabinets next? It seems such a daunting task).

I forked over quite a bit for the new knobs so I decided to just spray paint the hinges. Good thing to because they are super weird--all kinds of grooves fitting in all kinds of places. I probably would have gone a touch more shiny, but you don't really notice.

After the top coat is dry (24 hours later) you can install. So I guess this is step two in the master bathroom remodel (step one was the walls). I've decided to take this house one room at a time so I don't go 5200 square feet of crazy.

Now I need to:

Paint the baseboards and casings white.
Paint the double doors leading to the bedroom white--lots of panes there=lots of pains. Then get some knobs on the bathroom side so we can actually close the doors.
Replace the two doors and their knobs to the closet and the toilet.
Replace the two luverly gray shades with some nice clean 2" wood blinds.
Get one of those cool Mirrormates to frame the mirror.
Probably a bunch of other stuff I haven't even realized yet because that's how remodels go.

Oh well, tomorrow I'll have to show you our project this past weekend. If you followed me on facebook you know all about it.

2011-05-19T19:50:00.002-06:00

Thanks to Eliana for this one!

Although I found this video more depressing than funny (it's SOOOOO my daily life), it is refreshing to know I'm not the only one. I wish I could say "you don't have a chance in hell of passing my class," but alas, I teach sophomores in Utah.

The joyous news: the dishes are done, the counter is cleaned off, my children are clean and in bed, and Gray's Anatomy is on. What more could I ask for?

Project

2011-05-16T18:32:00.003-06:00

This weekend...and continuing into this week (because of course projects always take longer than one thinks) I've been working on a project. It was insane to get started because the bathroom cabinets have been taking up all of our kitchen and everything is out of whack. But I just put the last coat on (out of like 8 coats) and just ordered some beautiful new hardware. I'm just teasing here because I can't show you the finished product until it's all done.

But here's a shot of the before.

Pretty, ain't she?

Menu this week

2011-05-07T10:11:00.005-06:00

I love weekends. I've been sitting here this morning with my kids, folding laundry and planning this week's menu. It's funny the things that bring you joy as you get older.

I don't think I've mentioned my new favorite food website--Gina's Skinny Recipes. I've made 6-7 recipes from this website and have loved every single one. They're healthy, WW friendly, and so, so good. I thought I'd share our menu this week:

Tonight: Grilled Steak Fajitas

Sunday: Chicken Rollatini with Spinach alla Parmigiana

Monday: Healthy Baked Chicken Nuggets
Tuesday: I'm helping with Graduation Speech Tryouts and then I have to run to Costco to get food for the morning to feed the kiddos before the big AP test (which them luck!). I know it will be crazy and I won't be cooking.

Wednesday: Greek Turkey Meatballs

Thursday: Angel Hair with Shrimp & Asparagus
and dessert--Blueberry Peach Crisp

Friday: Chicken Enchiladas
I'm so excited to try all these new recipes. Now if someone else could just prepare the meals and clean up the mess!

Miles

2011-05-04T07:48:00.004-06:00

Tomorrow is my son's birthday and I keep forgetting. Over and over again. The date continually surprises me. I remember and think--oh, yeah, I've got to plan something. But the truth is I probably won't do anything about it until tomorrow--a day in which I have three meetings. So it will be what it will be. Probably a cake and two presents. Probably about right for a two-year-old? I think I'm still burned out from the five-year-old's many days of events. I need to take advantage of the oblivious two-year-old while I still can.

Oh, and I love this happy chair. Anyone have amazing skills and want to make it for me?

Frustration

2011-05-02T20:16:00.003-06:00

Today I am frustrated. I shouldn't be, but I am. So there.

I shouldn't be frustrated because the sun was shining, my school day flew by, we went to the park, and Bin Laden is dead.

Nevertheless, I am frustrated because I can never seem to get enough done; dog poop is ground into the grass and impossible to scoop up; our yard seriously sucks (fence falling down, stupid little deck, ugly lawn, sloping side yard, gate falling apart, no privacy, ugly, no real trees--and I love trees more than anything); the stupid people at Rich's bagels were ignorant and annoyed with us and gave the woman in front of us free bagels and gave us nothing; I still haven't finished grading the Tale of Two Cities test which my students took over a month ago; a nasty woman at the doctor's office who said I can't come in for my heart appointment tomorrow unless I make a payment which I already have but they haven't received; my schedule is filling, filling up with things I have to and don't want to do; I still haven't folded the laundry from our vacation, in fact it would still be dirty if Jeff hadn't washed it; the AP test is next week and I'm worried they're not prepared and I need to go spend a lot of money on them to buy them breakfast the morning of the test; and Olivia will not go to bed and it is 8:22 (bedtime is 7:00) despite having teeth brushed, back rubbed, songs sang, kisses given, stories read, medicine given, water drank, beds switched negotiations reached and words yelled.

That is the best sentence I have ever written. I could seriously rival Dickens with that sentence...but it's not making me feel any better.

Perhaps Dr. House, chocolate and tackling some laundry will help cheer me up.

Disneyland 'Cation

2011-04-30T11:08:00.001-06:00

Stuff

2011-04-27T18:49:00.003-06:00

There are many things I need to tell you about...like...
-stuff about our trip and include the cutest video of Miles & Mickey, Mouse that is
-stuff about jobs and the job I didn't get
-stuff about our house
-stuff about our great summer plans
-stuff about how I'm so excited to get the huge playground set up in the yard
-stuff about how we really need a railing around the walk-out basement
-stuff about Easter
-stuff about where I think we should take our next family trip

BUT...you knew it was coming, didn't you? Right now I'm going to the REAL Salt Lake soccer finals game (vs. Monterey).

I promise to come back soon.

Lubba Lou! (That's Miles talk for love you!)

Santa Monica Pizza & Pasta

2011-04-10T19:04:00.003-06:00

Okay, so I think it's my first ever restaurant review. Why should you trust my opinion? Because I really like food, and before kids, we really used to eat out a lot. Those are my qualifications.

Saturday night my mom watched the kids so Jeff and I could have date night (thanks, Mom). We've been trying to see The Adjustment Bureau forever and decided it had probably been long enough so the theatre wouldn't be too crowded (which is how we know we're old because that's how we decide which movie to see). We had just about 45 minutes before the show so we decided to grab some food. We were in Sandy Union Heights shopping center (7800 S. & 1300 E.). Tsunami had a wait, so we decided to try the new pizza place--Santa Monica. It was pretty packed which we took as a good sign. They didn't have any tables, and asked if we'd like to sit up to the bar, which was fine with us as we were in a hurry.

And then...nothing. No one took our order. After a few minutes I stopped a server and asked her if she knew who our server was. She said she'd find out. And then...nothing. I had that feeling of being ignored. I had about one minute left in me before I walked out, when the guy making pizzas in front of us asked if we had been helped. We told him no, and they all jumped to it. They got our drink orders and told us they'd rush our order. Complimentary breadsticks came next--Delish! So it was a very rocky start, but then they really did take care of us. It was fun to see them making the pizzas right in front of us and then putting them in a wood-fired oven.

And the food...I wouldn't be writing this review if it weren't for the food. We both ordered calzones (about $13 a piece) and they were worth it! I ordered a great one with chicken, sausage, spinach, peppers, green onions, lots of mozzarella in a lovely white sauce. (Did I mention it was enormous?).

Jeff ended up with a meat concoction (not what he had ordered) but LOVED it.

We'll definitely try it again. If service is a problem again, we'll swear it off, but I can chalk it up to a one-time mistake. Give it a try. The food it awesome!

Oh, and we loved The Adjustment Bureau--although we are still debating the satisfaction of the ending. I am less pleased than Jeff.

'Cation

2011-04-07T19:54:00.002-06:00

Well, you'll never guess what we're up to. It's a trip over spring break--starting next Saturday--to guess where....

Here's a clue...

Could you figure it out?

Here's what I'm looking forward to:

A break...from school...which is super busy and involves much drama
Mickey Mouse shaped ice cream & rice crispy square
Seeing Jeff at his happiest--with all his kids--being a kid himself
Hanging out with Ash & Jer (yes, they're coming with us). Yipee!
Using my favorite program RideMax (again). Loved it last time--it saved us hours of line waiting
Soarin' Over California. Best. Ride. Ever.
Going early & then coming home for nap and swim time...mmmmmm.
The look on my kids faces (especially Miles experiencing it for the first time).
The beach.
The Tiki Room & a Dole Whip.

And what I'm not looking forward to:

Riding in the car with Miles.
Paying $4 for a Diet Coke.

I think the good outweighs the bad.

8 Days!

Links

2011-03-28T14:07:00.001-06:00

A Fun Giveaway--healthy cookbook

Another one-Chobani yogurt.

and

An interesting article.

Tammy, Grades & Purses

2011-03-23T19:28:00.007-06:00

Update on Tammy: Surgery went well and the "cancer shrunk to very, very small (difficult to see) tumors seemed to go away...still took the two wedge resections from the right side and 30% of the left side (instead of the whole thing)...miracles." When I got this text from Steve I wept and wept. If anyone needs a miracle it's Steve & Tammy. So happy. She had some complications with a seizure, but they did an MRI and everything looks good. Here's hoping for a quick recovery and then remission!

Sorry that update is so long in coming, I've been up to my eyelashes in...

And I'm so tired of students bugging me about their grades. I seem only to hear from the F and A- students. My favorite question--"If I have 90% and I turn this extra credit it, and you drop my lowest quiz score, and I think I did pretty good on this test...then what would my grade be?" Ahhh! I really hate the end of the quarter. Really. Really. It makes me want to quit. But then next week all will be well and they will stop harassing me....until two weeks before the end of next quarter. And then I will have glorious summer so near it might just keep me sane.

On to a totally unrelated subject, purses. I never can seem to find the right one. It's so important. Jeff & Kira can attest to my numerous handbags over the years. Here's my most recent one.

I love the awesome inside compartments--so many places to stash things. There's even room for my laptop when needed (aka the millions of meetings I attend). Speaking of which, I have homework tonight (in addition to the 40 essays that need to be graded by Friday) for tomorrow's meeting. Better get to it!

Tammy

2011-03-14T17:23:00.003-06:00

As I type my dear sister-in-law is in surgery to have a portion of her liver removed (again). She has been in an intense fight for her life for the past couple years. She was diagnosed with stage-4 colon cancer, and they found it had spread to her liver and lymph nodes. She had much of her colon removed, much of her liver removed and has had all kinds of surgeries and lots of recovery. (I don't even know all the details). And they don't have health insurance. I know it has been beyond stressful for Steve & Tammy, but I haven't ever heard them complain. In fact, quite the opposite.

I'm not exaggerating when I say Tammy is the most positive person I know. Man, that woman is on fire. She has been a role model to me in my quest for a happy life. She loves people. She befriends everyone she meets. Everyone loves her. She is truly genuine. And she always sees the best in people and in any given situation. If you stop in at the consignment shop and they hear your last name, they'll ask if you're related. She'll take the time to talk to grocery baggers, the grumpy old man whose house is in foreclosure. She must have coined the phrase win-win. I have seen her accomplish things that no one else could. That's why it's not surprising that she's been fighting and fighting and I haven't see it get her down. She played the "cancer card" at Disneyland (but wouldn't you?); other than that, you won't even hear her mention it.

She threw a "life celebration" party a few weeks ago and packed the place. She doesn't really do things small. I'm thinking about her as she undergoes this next recovery. I know if anyone can beat this, Tammy can.

Favorite Room Ever

2011-03-11T22:27:00.002-07:00

True Confessions. I'm a little home obsessed. I blame my mother :). Tonight I was wandering around the Internet and found my most favoritest room ever. I love, love, love the fireplace...and the light...and the cabinets...and those countertops...and those wide-plank wood floors...and you probably can't see it but there are tongue & groove ceilings. *Sigh of deep contentment* Perhaps this is my future kitchen.

p.s. The author/designer is having a lovely little idyllic life in New Hampshire. I'm just a wee bit jealous.

The Birthday

2011-03-01T20:44:00.004-07:00

Olivia had a great birthday dinner with her Grandma June, Uncle Andy, Aunt Brookie, Cousin P, and the rest of us usuals. She chose pizza and was super talented at the driving game at Fat Cats where she was a maniac, but managed to get a high score.

She got so many nice things, but I think she had a favorite...

World, meet SuperOlivia. She's super strong, doesn't have bad dreams, and can do super sexy poses (even without prompting). I probably have neglected to mention her fascination with Superman. She is IN LOVE. She loves "Louis" Lane, Clark Kent (she likes to dress Miles up like Clark) and has probably watched Superman I-III about 20 times on the Roku. Needless to say the costume was a hit. She slept in it and I had to pry it off her for the tea party the next day.

SuperOlivia can also take really, really deep breaths. She knows how to take out those candles.

Then there was a friends' birthday part the next day. (Yes, I'm still tired). We had an Alice in Wonderland theme and had a tea party. Nine friends came over to play.

This looks fairly organized and non-chaotic. I think this was duck-duck-goose.

Then hide and seek.

Then food. Super lots of sugar. Kool-Aid "tea" with lumps of sugar, chocolates, baby sandwiches and cupcakes.

Wonderful presents from the kids who know her so well.

And then there was the mess. I think the dining room still looks like this. Not to mention the living room, family room and kitchen. Laundry? I still haven't folded last week's. Olivia is going on two weeks without any clothes washed and she's holding out okay. And since tomorrow and the next night are Parent Teacher Conference, I don't think that will be changing any time soon.

Pookie

2011-02-22T22:03:00.005-07:00

On Friday my little baby Pookie will be five. When did this happen? When did my little newborn/toddler turn into a girl who could go to school? This is how I often think of her.

When did she become this cute big girl?

Tonight I've been feeling the weight of being her mom more than ever. I keep asking myself:

Have I done the best I could by her?
Have I taught her enough?
Spent enough time with her?
Encouraged her to read and learn?
Taught her how to think critically?
Taught her how to handle frustration and get past it? (no)
Have I acted more than reacted?

I feel like I'm coming up terribly short. I know this post may seem a bit dramatic because this certainly isn't the end, but it is a milestone. After this summer she will be influenced more and more by others--teachers, school personnel, friends, neighbors, church teachers. I guess I'm just realizing that this precious child has been largely mine (despite daycare) for the past five years. I'm examining and reflecting and coming to the conclusion that I could do better.

Miss O is very stubborn (me), likes to have things her way (me), is very smart (both of us), and has quite a temper (Jeff, yes, he does). It's not the best combination. She's been having a few problems at daycare lately. Not a ton--but some consistent problems listening to her teachers and wanting to be the boss of everything. And I realize I've been reacting to those problems. I can largely reason with her which is a very good thing, but I wish I had prepared her better for handling challenges. She's loving preschool though and that gives me hope. I've been thinking a lot about getting her into a summer preschool a few days a week to give her a jump on kindergarten. I checked out Challenger and was so impressed by what they do. And then I got all snobby and was wishing we had lots of money so I could send her there until 8th grade. I know, it's crazy, I teach public school for heaven's sake. But because I do, I know the true weaknesses of public education (and I'm sure private schools have their own problems, but I just don't know those yet).

I don't know what the solution is, or how I can do better and preparing her (happy to take suggestions). But the one thing that kept coming to me tonight is that I need to be more active, rather than reactive. I need to look ahead rather than be surprised when my little baby is suddenly all grown up.

Amazing Things

2011-02-17T10:15:00.003-07:00

It really is the little things in life that make you happy. Like my new school computer that I'm typing on right now. Technology is amazing! I have it hooked to a ceiling mounted projector and they've installed surround sound in my room. And there's this super cool split screen thing that allows me to drag a video or Word document onto the projector and then I can still do my own thing (take roll, do grading, pull up my blog) on my own screen & the kids don't see it. I'm loving it! Also, a great bubbles screen saver.

Then there's this student who's reading Huck Finn and is crazy in love with it and can't stop reading. He's almost done with the book and can't even concentrate on anything else--He just has to know what happens! Hooray! Go Mark Twain!

And I have really good rosemary bread (think Macaroni Grill) for lunch.

I was just checking out Centsational Girl, one of my favorites and I'm excited to try this new product for redoing cabinets. Maybe one day I will be finished painting my master bedroom walls and then I can try this on the cabinets in there. I am excited for one day!

Master Bedroom

2011-02-09T22:30:00.002-07:00

Master Bedroom by olivia1976 on Polyvore.com

I found a new toy! It's Polyvore and is so much fun. Basically you can put pictures together from your favorite fashion or interior design ideas. Our Suburban Cottage offers a great tutorial for the basics. Now if I could just get someone to pay for this bedroom for me!

There Was Cold & Then There Was Soup

2011-02-08T20:00:00.006-07:00

I finally dug out my camera to snap a few pictures and look what I found. Memories of a day we went sledding right after Christmas. One snowy morning we headed to our neighborhood park (Flat Iron Mesa) which has an amazing hill.

Miles was ready for the weather. He has about 4 snowsuits and this is probably the only time he has or ever will wear one.

But he wasn't too sure what we were doing.

Olivia, however, was thrilled.

Mr. Man is ready to go. (No, we didn't send him down alone).

Olivia and Kira are ready to go too!

I try to warm up Olivia after a freezing run. Fresh snow isn't so great on the hill. We got lots of frozen powder all over our faces.

Sledding is lost on Miles. He doesn't really see the point.

More recently we've been working on crafts and made some cute korker bows for O. I've also made some pillows and capri pants for the girl child. I'll have to post pictures later.

Olivia cheering at the Jordan basketball game. They do this great thing where the cheerleaders coach the little girls (they practice for a few nights) and then they perform. She was so excited! (If you can't see her she's second from the right, with the pony).

Olivia working hard on her valentines for preschool tomorrow. Oh, that's the cute korker bow we made in her hair.

Writing her name 29 times was hard! Mom had to help with the last ten or so.

Buddy has been SICK. He's had a cold for a few weeks now, but his cough has gotten worse. He stayed home today and Jeff and I split the day with him. He was pitiful. But nothing stops him from helping "Out" (Scout, our dog, who receive little recognition on this blog for a reason). He's such a good helper.

And this was our dinner tonight. Creamy Chicken and Wild Rice Soup and...

Steakhouse Wheat Bread. One of THE BEST meals I've had in a long time. Yum-0!

Inspiration for Today

2011-02-02T21:17:00.003-07:00

I live in lines.

I start here, and I walk. And I go. Out and away and over there.

And I forget where I came from. I trail off, thin and empty—off to some end I can’t see.

By noon, I forget the morning. At night there’s no dawn at hand.

I walk next to myself endlessly, beside my yesterdays as though they never were.

I am faithless, and I live in lines.

But He works in circles.

Morning to morning and evenings, the same.

Rising to setting to rising again.

Minute to hour to day to year.

Faithful; He works in endless circles.

And so the new year starts again; the new day dawns once more.

And He begins again; circles round once more.

He meets us here, upon our lines—crosses over and through just to reach us.

He, enthroned above the circle of the earth, invites us into the circle.

Today we can find new life—we can leave the lines behind.

We can start here and walk and go and not forget—that He who carried us then holds us now and continues us through our tomorrows.

The faithless are now covered by Faithfulness, and morning is always at hand.

Today we can go from strength to strength.

And live in the circle of Him.

By Janine Petry at www.janinepetry.com

Here's the original post.

One Year

2011-01-30T18:50:00.005-07:00

Today is the one-year anniversary of my dad's death. Not such a great day. Everybody's been grumpy and short-tempered around here, probably sensing mom's not in a great mood. It shouldn't matter--it's definitely not a day I want to remember. But my mind won't give it up--those last 24 hours. Over and over again. I want to remember the parades, the cheesy grin, the silly, dancing man--and I do. I do. But as my mind tries to wrap around the loss, I replay the quick events of his death. So here it is in all it's hideousness.

Okay, it all started about Friday, January 22, when I took my dad to Silverado nursing center. It was a really good place and specialized in those with memory loss. It had been a HUGE ordeal to get him in there, and I had to be sneaky about the whole process. He had been going downhill since early fall, and we finally hit a point when it was just impossible to have him alone in his home. We had nurses coming in twice daily, home helpers three times a week, but it just wasn't enough. The major issue was that he had lost 20 pounds in about a month and his diabetes was gone--therefore the nurses were leaving. The weight loss was scary; it really told me something wasn't right. My dad loved to eat--it was really his one pleasure. He was pretty out of it by the time I took him to the nursing home and didn't put up too much of a fight. I wonder how much he realized what was happening. I was also in the process of getting legal guardianship of him, something that I was not looking forward to, but had to be done. He was in there over the weekend, I checked on him everyday (apparently, once, according to him, just missing George Clooney) and then Monday I got a call that he had tested positive for TB (tuberculosis). He always had a false positive for TB, which I told them, but they wanted to take him to the hospital because his lungs didn't sound good. At the hospital they diagnosed him with pneumonia (third time in two months).

I went to see him Tuesday night and he was doing okay. He seemed much better than he had been in the nursing home. I snuck in a Frosty and he sat on the edge of the bed and tried to make conversation as he dangled his legs over the edge. He really seemed pretty good. NOTHING indicated to me any alarm or that he would be gone in just a few days. As I went to tell him goodbye I poured out my love to him. It was an odd role reversal because he was such a gushy-love one to me. But I just felt it so strongly and I told him how much I loved him--some part of me honestly knew our days together were numbered. That was our last real time together. Why I wasn't there Wednesday night or Thursday night remains one of the things that I regret. Yes, there were other obligations, and, no, I didn't know how little time we had left, but I do wish I had visited him again.

Friday, January 29: We had just finished a big Career week at school and it had been a long one. I had left my cell phone home. For some reason I decided to check messages that morning and had a call from a concerned-sounding doctor. I was about to call him back when the office brought me a message from my brother. I knew something was going on. I called the doctor back, he asked for a bit of information about my dad and then, in around about way, told me my father wasn't responding to the antibiotics and they believed he had lymphoma. Lymphoma? I almost laughed. I knew there was no way he had lymphoma. The man had high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol, two totally separate sets of brain tumors, and had suffered at least one major stroke. There was no way he had lymphoma. I mean fate couldn't be that cruel.

He wasn't exactly emphatic about me getting right there. "Maybe you should come," he said or something like that. Luckily, I decided to, and called Andy, Jeff and my mom too. I was trying so hard to keep it together, but something inside was telling me that this was the end. I even mentioned it to a few people. Driving to the hospital I was overcome with a profound sadness like I've never known before. But then the thought flashed like lightening--he will be free of that miserable body. I had never considered that before. His worn-out, beat-up body--no more. Just my dad. Free. That thought is what got me through the next few days.

Once we got to the hospital it was a whirlwind. The doctor spent about 45 minutes explaining to Andy and me what was happening and it was all so much. All I really remember was the concern about breathing and the carbon dioxide building up in his blood. So he was going to the ICU to be put on a breathing machine. It was so weird. It felt like someone else inhabiting my body and looking down from far away.

When we finally saw him in the ICU it looked something out of Outbreak or ET. Apparently they didn't believe us about the false TB, so everyone was being super cautious--as in full body gear with breathing machines--cautious. We finally got to see him and he was pretty much out of it. The ICU doctor explained in more detail what was happening--basically that his swollen spleen in the fall had been one of the first signs of lymphoma; this was a very fast moving strain; that there had been swollen lymph nodes under his armpits; and that it was taking over his lungs. I don't remember much, other than standing out in the hall with Andy at one point and saying--whatever we do we're in this together. We need to be here for each other. I was so worried about him and how he was taking all of this.

They finally took off the moon-wear and moved him to another room. Within about two hours we were in a room with about nine doctors who were all telling us that we needed to decide, and decide quickly, whether or not we'd like to put him on a ventilator. If we did it would give us more time, they could biopsy and confirm with 100% surety lymphoma (they were 99% without the biopsy) and talk about treatment. We wavered back and forth a lot. If we didn't put him on a ventilator he'd have less than 24 hours. His body just wasn't getting enough oxygen, and carbon dioxide was still building up, even with the breathing machine. We just wanted more time. But there was no way we thought he could ever fight the cancer. How do you explain to a man with dementia in a nursing home that his vomiting and feeling miserable is because he's fighting a very aggressive form of cancer? We knew that the lymphoma was something that he simply couldn't fight.

But we decided on a ventilator. We weren't ready. We just wanted to know for 100% what we were battling and we weren't ready to say goodbye. It was a stupid choice. I'll never forget the doctor's face when I told him we wanted to ventilate. He didn't disguise his disagreement well. Okay, he flat out said he disagreed, but that he would do what we wanted. That put us back to the debate. The person who really settled it for us was Matt, the resident who explained things from the beginning, he said, "If you're preserving his life for a reason--for family to get here to say goodbye, or if you're going to fight this--then that's a good thing. But preserving his life just to preserve life isn't a good thing. It just prolongs the pain. You'll never be ready to say goodbye." It was the clarity amidst the "god-damn hurricane," as my brother put it. It spoke truth to me, and I think to the rest of my family. Okay, deep breath, we're going to tell him goodbye.

And we did. I worked on saying the best goodbye I could. It didn't involve ice cream or 60s music (although it should have). It just involved a lot of love. From that Tuesday night when I poured out my love, his last 18 hours or so were an outpouring of love. I have never felt so connected to my brother, my mother, my husband...or my dad. I held his hand a lot. I hope I never forget those rough, callused, stubby fingers. I told him I loved him so many times I think I may just have come near the millions of times he told me he loved me in my life. I wish I were a better writer; I wish I could lay it out in words for you. The spirit of God was in the room, in each of us, all around. I have never felt so connected. It was the single most real experience of my life. It was the most horrific and the most spiritual moment of my life. We thanked him; we loved him; we gloried in him. We reminisced; we laughed at and with him; we even joked--when he was doing a bit better--that he would outlive us all.

Late, late, we stumbled home. I remember staring at my dinner, numb and overcome with sadness. Nothing made sense. How could the world continue to exist without my dad in it? Why was this happening? Did he really even have cancer? How were they sure? Why weren't they doing something? Why were they just letting him die?

I sobbed myself to sleep--actually slept--and awoke to a lump in the throat call about 4 am. They had lost him, but had brought him back with meds (that was the one life-saving device Andy and I agreed they should do). He was alive, but not doing well. Luckily, luckily, the kids were with Shanna (thank you so much, Shanna). So we could bolt out the door. Amazing how empty the roads are at 4. We ran to the hospital door. Locked. We had to run all the way to emergency and then a guard had to let us in. I ran down the long, long hall towards the ICU. I kept thinking--please don't be gone, please don't be gone. Not yet, let me say goodbye. We got there and he was alive. I had a few minutes alone with him and I just thanked him for all of it, and there is too much to list here. But I thanked him for the joy, for the love, for the motorcycle rides, the parades, the circuses, the trips to Lagoon and Disneyland. For the football in the backyard and the raking up and jumping in leaves. I thanked him for all the money he had given me over the years. I thanked him for being there, always there, always steady, always constant, with his proud face on for the past 33 years. For making me feel like the most gorgeous and smartest girl on the face of the earth.

After a few hours we took his mask off. It was merely prolonging the inevitable. By this point his kidneys (and probably other stuff) had begun shutting down. This was an agressive cancer. And we watched those monitors as his oxygen plummeted and his heart slowed. Dying wasn't easy for him; it was a struggle. We made sure he had morphine and chapstick. That's all anybody needs at the end, isn't it? We kept telling him we loved him and twice that morning, twice, he was able to say it back. He was there loving us, until the end. And as he body slowed and struggled there was a moment, I'm sure it was very brief but it felt long to me, where I saw his spirit leave his body. I have such a hard time explaining it. It was a seeing beyond what we normally can see, a gift, and I watched him go. I was in awe and amazement. I just kept saying "oh, oh, oh." Everyone thought I was really upset, but I wasn't. I was just watching the miracle of death.

I don't mean to make it sound rosy and sweet. I meant it when I said this was the most real moment of my life. All the ugly pain wrapped up in the love. It reminds me so much of the author C.S. Lewis, who while losing his wife is thought to have said, "The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal." And if that's the deal I guess I came out okay. Because no girl was ever loved more by her dad. No girl was ever put on a taller pedestal or thought the world of like my dad thought of me. I still feel gipped--like I lost him too soon, but he sure did some good lovin' while he was here. More than most people do in a lifetime. My missing him is entirely selfish. I have many doubts about religious things, something I don't talk about much, but I know my dad is close. I can't see him, or hear him, but I often can feel him. I hope it's okay that I call him back into my life often. "Wow, Dad, Miles sure looks like you....You loved this song, Dad...Look at that shiny sports car, you'd love that." But most of the time it's "I miss you, Dad. I love you."

One more final note, and then I'll be done. I don't suspect the casual and uninterested reader has made it this far anyway, so what's one more paragraph? I mentioned this briefly in my post the day he died, but I wanted to let you know the one thing I know for sure (think Oprah). My dad's death (and his life) taught me that love is the only thing that matters. It's a stupid cliche and I wish it wasn't trite and over-used. But it's the truth. The only thing I wanted to tell him--the only really important thing--is that I loved him. Over and over, I couldn't say it enough. It was almost like a compulsion. And it clicked. That's what we are here to do. And nothing else really matters. I'm working on that on everyday now. Working to love better and deeper and be more honest. Love you!

All is Well

2011-01-26T19:38:00.003-07:00

Everything with surgery went very well. The only initial struggle was getting the I.V. in, which is always a struggle. After a second try and placement the nurse finally got it in, but then accidentally ripped it out. Blood everywhere. Finally the third time worked. I didn't do too well with that (I hate blood!). I was scheduled for surgery for 11:15 on Tuesday, but of course didn't actually get wheeled in until sometime after 1:30. Way too much anticipation! I would talk with my mom and Jeff, try to watch t.v. and watch the clock tick SO slowly.

I had been concerned about being awake during the procedure, but they gave me some very good meds so I don't remember too much. I think I took a few "naps" during the procedure. I remember waking up and looking at the screen as they got the device in, I remember a pulling in my chest as he tightened up the device in my chest...and that's about it. Everything went very well. Apparently I have some "twisty" veins so they put in one device, rather than another, but they both work equally as well. My hole was about an inch in diameter (sounds big to me), but no bubbles pass through when they tested it. Hooray!

My only complication was bleeding from the groin (entry site, kind of along the bikini line). It just wouldn't stop. It's kind of strange because they don't stitch it or anything; it usually just closes up. I was on bedrest for 3 hours after surgery, but then it started bleeding when I got up. Another two hours of bedrest and it was still bleeding. The nurse put lots of pressure on it which I think was the worst part of the whole thing. It was so sore and tender I thought I was going to pass out as she pushed on it for a half an hour or so--after sticking it a million times with a needle. (Eck!) It finally stopped bleeding about 9 last night.

Is this a totally gross blog post or what?

Everything else is good. I slept some last night and was ready to go this morning. Luckily I was able to go at about 9:30. So nice to come home. It's hard to be home and limit my activities, but for a few days I have to. After the next few days my only restrictions will be picking up more than 50 pounds, no contact sports, and no jogging (man, will that ever mess up my daily workout ;)). I'm feeling pretty good and am ready to get more energy!

Perspective

2011-01-18T17:17:00.002-07:00

It's been kind of bleak day. The highlights:

an incredible lack of sleep last night
Jeff got a ticket for driving in the right lane when someone was pulled over (weird, huh?)
back to school after a three-day weekend
faculty meeting at 7 a.m.
48 hours until the end of the quarter and suddenly kids care
gray skies

However, despite it all I am calm and content. I don't owe this to my own wonderful devices but to this and this and this. Thank heaven for the inspiration which surrounds me.

And on that note, here are the beautiful things of the day:

Waking up in a beautiful, warm home to a cute four-year-old body next to me
Going to a great job that I really enjoy and find fulfillment in
Good & kind teenagers that I get a chance to know and work with
A great group of friends to have lunch with
An entire afternoon to get things organized and graded
A moment of wisdom that told me to leave the papers at school (thereby defying all angst they may cause as I didn't do them tonight)
Two beautiful, sweet kiddo faces after school
A husband who played on the floor with the kids while I made dinner
A great ham and potato soup recipe with wheat bread

p.s. I know I end practically ever sentence with a preposition. I'm sorry about that. You can add it to your list of bad things for the day :)

Design Style

2011-01-13T12:51:00.004-07:00

Here's a fun thing if you love houses, style and decorating like I do. MyDesignGuide.com will let you take a Style Quiz that will help you determine your design style. You get to look at fun pictures and choose your favorites. Here are my results:Not too surprising actually, although I'm surprised I have as much country and modern as I do.

One of my favorite blogs CentSational Girl is giving away a free design consultation. I'm all up for new ideas!

On another note O and I are home sick. Like S.I.C.K. Okay, we're getting better now, but yesterday and last night were rough. It's a flu thing. On Monday Miles threw up as we headed to school so I think he's the one who started it all. He also hurt his wrist on Monday so we ended up at the doctor getting x-rays. Luckily nothing is broken, because I don't think I could deal with that kid in a cast--he's so busy all the time.

It's also the second to last week of the quarter so that is always major crunch time (i.e. kids driving me crazy whining about their grades and wondering what they can do to raise their grade, and if they turn in this one assignment and re-do that one thing will that raise them up the 2.4% for an A-, or a D-?, as the case may be). Essentially it's one of those special four times a year when teachers are grumpy and overwhelmed. Who am I kidding? Just four times a year?

Thank goodness for a 3 day weekend!

Growing Up

2011-01-11T18:23:00.003-07:00

There was the MOST AMAZING bed on KSL. It's a Pottery Barn speedboat bed. So, so, so cute! Perfect for Miles's room which I'm starting with a sailboat theme.

And they were selling it with this dresser for $695 for both! That might seem like a lot, but the bed alone is on PB for $1299. I was so excited.

And then a thought occurred to me...We don't have $695. I thought of all kinds of ways I could come up with the money, but none of them were very good. So I didn't buy them. Bummer, I guess I am growing up. Doesn't mean I'm not still thinking about them all the time, but I know it won't feel good to look at that bed and know I'm in debt for it.

Goals

2011-01-11T10:48:00.003-07:00

I've been thinking much about goals lately. Sure it's that time of year, but I LOVE setting goals. Even more, I love achieving them.

The year was 2003 and I was a maniac at achieving my goals--losing weight, dating, getting out of debt, buying a condo. That was a good year. I got so much satisfaction out of writing it down on paper and then checking it off as the pounds and debt fell away.

Of course things are a bit different now. Better in many ways. Husband, kids, stinky dog, big house. Things feel a bit more difficult, but I really think that's just a roadblock I've set up in my brain. School remains good, yet overwhelming, but I think I've made peace with the fact that I'll never get it all done. Many days good enough is good enough.
I don't know that I have any concrete goals yet, but here's what's swimming around upstairs:

health (heart surgery, oxygen, more energy, losing weight, eating well, enough sleep)

time (quality time with my kids--being present for them, date night with Jeff, prioritizing)

traditions (we need better rhythms--i.e. Saturday mornings, Friday nights & more rituals--like what the heck are we supposed to do on New Year's Day?)

finances (following Mr. Dave--making & following a budget, using cash & envelopes, building up emergency fund, paying off car loans, then moving to student loans, eventually building a real savings. I don't think that will all happen this year).

Sunday

2011-01-09T18:24:00.003-07:00

It feels like a Sunday today. That's a pretty good thing (except the Monday back to work thing, but I really do like my job).

I am tired all the time. Like I could take a three hour nap, then sleep for 10 hours, then still be tired. I really don't like not feeling like myself. There's so many things I want to accomplish, but I just don't feel up to most of them. I am really hoping this heart surgery will take care of things and I'll be feeling like myself again soon. Only two weeks!

In good news I won a $50 Container Store gift card on Susie Davis. I'm having a good time at the Container Store deciding what I can buy.

And, for the grand finale, if you need a good laugh and are an educated person, check out these buttons on etsy. I want to buy one (all different ones) for every teacher at my school. Jeff and I had a good giggle-fest this morning over them.

A few...

2011-01-03T21:40:00.008-07:00

...of my favorite things.

This is going to be pretty random; but lately I've been thinking about all the things that make my life easier/nicer/simpler. Here's a few that come to mind.

Loving the vitamins lately. Everyone around me

is getting sick and I'm staving it off (fingers crossed).

Perfect to get so many things out. I love it for crayon on the wall.

Not that those types of things ever happen at our house.

This is the best thing ever. Go buy some. It smells like a bit of heaven

in a lemon verbena scent. We also have the lavender hand soap and the

basil dryer sheets. These make cleaning not so horrible. For the first time

ever I've used the phrase, "Gee, this dishrag smells good."

I spent the break cooking dinner (every night except New Year's,

thank you very much). But after one day back to school I can see

how difficult it is to find the time. My two favorite recipes are

Chicken Taco Soup & the Pizza Dough we made tonight. Oh, and of course

I should mention AllRecipes which has really improved my motivation to cook.

Earplugs--You try sleeping next to Jeff.

Nectar of the Gods. A friend at school taught me the secret trick to get a 20 oz.

of this for $.25. It's a super-deal and only slightly morally-iffy.

Pretty much includes all the best of all my favorite ice creams.

It's lovely after a difficult day.

Actually it's lovely after any day.

I think I could eat a Cafe Rio salad every day and never get sick of them.

They're not exactly light fare, but yum!

I find I'm reading so much more with my Kindle than I otherwise would.

And different types of things too. And I'm so excited that you can now loan books!

And I can have it with me always. And download books pretty much anywhere.

I have a difficult time reading paper books now.

This was a very short list of things I love. I know, very materialistic of me, but these are the things that keep me ticking. I'd love to hear what your favorite things are.

Christmas

2011-01-01T23:46:00.008-07:00

So this has been a bit late in coming, but I wanted to share our Christmas with you. This Christmas was a bit different, a bit more quiet than usual. Christmas Eve Jeff and I were busy (see below). We awoke to find Santa had come.

They don't look particularly enthused her,

but they were SO happy to see their Jeeps.

Tired boy loves his ball and basket.

Amazing that a $2 princess camera takes center stage.

This kid loves to make that face. He is very happy and excited about everything.

Olivia is thrilled to get a new blanket.

Jeff, with a creepy look, in his new tie.

Miles finally figures out the wrapping paper comes off.

Olivia thrilled with her PetShop.

A merry Christmas morning with my mom, Jamie, Anne & kids. Good food!

And good company.

A hard, hard Christmas missing my dad. He's been there every Christmas of my life. He was like a kid on Christmas. My favorite memories are of him keeping us from going down the hallway to see the presents and his stories from childhood (once he had a broken leg so he was sleeping on the couch and he actually saw Santa--I thought that was the coolest thing ever!). I cried most of the 23rd and the 24th. It was weird not to split time between Jeff's family and my mom and dad. We saw the Olsens on the 23rd and then my mom on Christmas Eve & Christmas day. No pulling, no tugging, no frantically running around. As any child of divorced parents knows, it's terrible to feel pulled in every direction on holidays. I hated it. But this year felt so quiet and lonely. We went to the cemetery to take a wreath and remember him. But he's not there. I feel like I carry him around with me so much more than I feel him at the Murray Cemetery.

I've been blessed with a great gift because I have seen my father's reaction to my grief. No really, I saw it before he died. Two weeks before he passed a hospice worker told me he had only 2-3 weeks left to live. It was a complete shock; no one else had mentioned anything like this. It took my breath away. I thought we'd have him for at least a few more years. My father was sitting across from me at his kitchen table, now my kitchen table, and because he never heard well he didn't know what she had said. But he saw my reaction. I didn't believe her (mostly), but some part of me did and I started crying. He saw and said, "Oh J, don't cry. I don't like to see you cry." And then he got a sad pouty face. I picture my dad saying that to me now as I type and sob; I know he wouldn't want me to be mourning him. He wouldn't want me sitting here crying. He hated to see me hurt. He would do anything to make me happy. But it doesn't seem to make a difference. I grieve for the dad I've lost, the grandpa my kids will never know, and all the years until I see him again. Mostly just missing him. Missing him.

Okay, so to switch to happier topics, here's my mom's

pretty tree with all our presents under it.

This year we got to see the K-Train on Christmas. An unprecedented event!

We loved seeing her and having her with us. And she's still with us. It's been great to have her here and just hang out. We've been watching lots of movies.

This kid's mouth is always wide open. He got a cool new puzzle.

Brookie & P enjoying some nice fingers.

Hope you all had a very merry Christmas! We loved spending time with our family and friends.

Christmas Eve

2011-01-01T23:34:00.004-07:00

Christmas Eve tradition was changed this year. Since my childhood we have gone sledding each year, but this year there was just not enough snow. So we went bowling. Kind of funny, I know. It was good to get together and the kids loved the arcade.

Miles demonstrates to Payton the wonders of the sucker

and all its amazing properties.

Jeff goes over the basics with Miss O.

Miles and Payton discover the cars. What fun!

"Annie" and Miles hanging out. That kid swiped his sucker on

every surface at the bowling alley. Yum! Wanna lick?

Bowling with a kid on you hip makes it difficult to score above a 60. Damn that college bowling did me no good. You think BYU would have included that in the instruction.

Shave with Me Barbie

2010-12-29T20:40:00.002-07:00

Looking for a great white elephant gift? Okay, probably not, but this is one to store away until next year. She was a hit at our family party.Buy a cheap Barbie. It'd be good to use one you already have, but you really need the box. Assemble supplies: spray-on adhesive, husband's recently shaved beard (the darker the better), a razor, scissors, tape and goo-gone (if you have one of those pesky labels or mess up like I did). Lay down cling wrap for easy clean up. Carefully remove Barbie from the box--this is harder than it seems.
Then spray Barbie's legs and sprinkle hair. If you pour or dip it will just be too clumpy. Yes, your fingers will be gross and sticky and covered in man hair. Try not to touch the box (or your nose, or your kids).
Add additional hair to armpits for increased gross factor. Prop her up and let her dry.
When she's dry carefully place her back in the box with a razor. I found the easiest way to get it all to go back together is tape. Glue just won't hold it all together.
Then have your creative husband make a sign to make her look more legit. Wrap in your finest wrapping paper and be prepared for laughs and gags.

An Olsen Family Christmas

2010-12-29T20:37:00.001-07:00

We had a great time at our annual Christmas party with the Olsens. Tons of good food and lots of good talk!

Notice Itzy and the white elephant she loved--huge lady's panties. Also, check out our "Shave with Me Barbie." Tutorial coming later.

We Interrupt Christmas for This Important Message

2010-12-27T12:55:00.005-07:00

So, I need to tell you all about Christmas and what's been happening around here, but first I have to let you know that I've actually completed a project! Lately it's been really hard for me to finish things, a quality I really dislike in myself and in others. But I've finally finished this project so I had to tell you about it.

Remember this nasty window, okay, nasty may be too strong a word. Remember this unattractive window and the privacy issue I was having. Well, after only a month or so I finished the project. First I painted all the oak trim (my mother is dying). I love it--it made it look so much cleaner and more modern. Then I ordered a blind (94" wide requires a custom one, thanks Mom), and I finally finished the drapery panels this morning. I'm loving the new look.

Fabric #2 won in the contest, since Eliana is the only one who voted. (It was my favorite too). Very mellow and warm. It's quite a heavy fabric, but it feels very classic and traditional.

And here it is all together. It does make the room feel more softer and homey. But the problem with home improvement is now I see more than needs to be "fixed."

Like our boring, boring boob light needs to be replaced with this great fixture from Overstock.

And we also need this great rug, from Overstock too, for under the table. Don't you think it would look great with those curtains? So if you forgot to get me something for Christmas now you have some ideas.

2010-12-26T20:32:00.001-07:00

It's official--I'm a grown-up! This year we celebrated Christmas with my mom's family. The party has always included my mom and her siblings, but with Reed gone they decided to extend the invitation to us "kids." We had so much fun hanging out with aunts, uncles and cousins. It's nice to spend time together. And although I brought my camera I forgot about it until the last ten minutes; so here is the party winding down.

Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T22:22:00.001-07:00

ASD, aka heart troubles

2010-12-20T12:37:00.005-07:00

So, here's the update. I met with the doctor today, who was great by the way. He spent about an hour going over everything with me. I thought I had a PFO where the valve between the heart would sometimes allow the dirty blood from the right atrium to pass to the left atrium. What I have is an ASD, atrial septal defect. It's very similar the only difference is that blood passes between the two atria of my heart all the time. Even at rest I score a 4, which means a significant amount of blood is passing to the left atrium (and vice versa). Then when active or straining I am a 5+ (5 is the highest) which means 100,000 little bubbles go between the valves. No good.

In other good news it seems I've had a stroke. The MRI that showed a "white spot" (my doctor hates it when they call them that because it's just too vague) represents a T2, essentially a mini-stroke. He also said the fact that I'm suddenly getting migraines and vertigo is a huge red flag. So I'm having surgery on January 25. It's not too big of a deal. They go in through a large vein in the groin area and up to the heart. And I'll be awake. Only local anesthesia. I'll spent the first night in the hospital and then be home. You can watch a cool video of the procedure. It really is amazing what they can do.

In case you're wondering how I'm doing, I'm pretty fine actually. It seems like the procedure, although serious, isn't as terrible as I had first anticipated. I'm anxious to get it done and start getting better. I am however, not too excited with it coinciding very closely with the one year anniversary of my dad's death, January 30.

O & the Big Man

2010-12-19T22:11:00.003-07:00

I'll give you an update tomorrow after I meet with Dr. Man. Otherwise things are going well and we are having a grand time.

Sunday night is the best night in the whole world when you don't have to go to work Monday morning!

PFO

2010-12-14T17:31:00.004-07:00

Okay, so here's some not very good news.

Remember how I've had vertigo? For several years now, but it got really bad in September and October. Well I've been undergoing a million tests (actually about 13) and had the final one today. All have been relatively inconclusive until today. Today I went to see a cardiologist to rule out a hole in my heart, I really didn't even think about it, it was one of those just in case sort of things...and, you guessed it, I have a hole in my heart. Basically my heart never closed up when I was a baby.

It's pretty common. About 10% of people have a hole in their heart. You could have a hole in your heart and not even know it.

But I have a big hole. "Significant," the testing guy said. "About 1/2""--that sounds pretty big to me.

I watched my cute little heart on the EKG, working so hard. Pumping, pumping, pumping. Dear little heart. I never have realized how much it really does. I was filled with gratitude watching it labor away.

They did a test where they pumped "bubbles" into my blood. Normally the lungs take care of cleaning all these things out. But some of my blood goes straight from the right atrium to the left atrium. Usually it goes to the right ventricle then to the lungs to be "cleaned." Then to the left atrium, left ventricle, through the aorta and out to the body. (Hope I got that right). But because some of my blood never gets cleaned it can have clots and doesn't get oxygenated. Clots are bad. That makes sense. Their largest concern is with stroke. Blood clots passing straight to the brain.

So I'm freaking out a bit today. Okay, a whole helluva lot. I meet with the surgeon Monday. They don't always do surgery, but with how large my hole is and the amount of fluid passing through the septum, it seems likely. Scary. But perhaps less scary than knowing I could have a stroke at any time.

It also could explain my migraines, sleep apena, tiredness and the "white spot" (a nice word they use for a dead spot) on my brain that showed up on my MRI.

I'll keep you updated. Right now I'm just waiting for Jeff to get home so he can give me a big hug.

It's Christmas Around Here

2010-12-09T20:20:00.002-07:00

We're finally in the Christmas spirit around here. I have to admit, having a larger house can be a lot more work when it comes to decorating. I swear the wreaths looked bigger in the store!
We got a great big new tree--from where else--KSL. It's 10' and wiiide. It takes up our entire second floor landing. We put 1300 lights on it and that seems about right. It really is fun having two trees.
Which makes our regular tree look so small. But it's so fun to have it in the family room where we can see it all the time. I love all our ornaments--I have many of my childhood ornaments and there's so much history there. Too bad we need heat so our tree skirt can't look better.
See the cute little reindeer. This mantle is a little lackluster though. Even with the bling trees.
And here's the one in the family room. I LOVE having two fireplaces. Olivia keeps reminding me that I need to call a chimney sweep so Santa doesn't get all dirty when he comes. I guess I should get on that.

How is it that this season is going so fast?! One more week and then two weeks off! Hooray for being a teacher.

It Has Begun

2010-12-02T19:08:00.003-07:00

Every casing, baseboard, cabinet, door, door jam and even coffered ceiling (well most) in our home is made of a lovely oak.

A beautiful warm oak with brass fixtures. There's a whole lot of oak goin' on 'round here.

So I took the leap and started. Painting that is...

It's been a little daunting to start. But here's the first coat of primer on the first door jam. Good-bye oakey oak. One more coat of primer and a coat of paint to go.

Oh, and then about twelve gazillion more surfaces. However, I will be going one wall at a time. One wall at a time. Line upon line, precept on precept...You may need to wait until next year for updates. And that may just be in the master bath.

Thanksgiving

2010-11-27T12:06:00.001-07:00

We had a great Thanksgiving with both our families. We had Jamie, Anne, Marshall, Jer, Ash, Andy, Brooke, Payton, and my mom. I thought it was the perfect amount of people. We had a fancy table and lots of good food. It was nice to just sit around and talk too.

Thankful for Hope

2010-11-20T21:22:00.008-07:00

We're in the middle of an amazing snow storm right now. (Guess I got my wish and my ugly lawn is now covered up). And I am happy sitting in my warm house blog-stalking people. I seriously love blogs. When I joined Jenny Craig I had to think of non-food rewards. It was weird because it took me a while to think about stuff I liked to do (that didn't involve food). And then it hit me--magazines and blogs. Such a luxury.

Oh, speaking of food these cookies are awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Just ask Olivia, Becca & Bayley.
With a whole week sandwiched by two weekends ahead of me I've caught the lazy bug. I keep thinking--oh, I can do that later. Which is pretty much what I do all summer. And that explains why I get nothing done.

I really, really would like to get blinds and make curtains for this monstrous window above our eating area. I've been fabric shopping for forever now, but can't seem to find the perfect thing. I guess I'm destined to flash the neighbors for at least another week.

Here's my top choices:

We are in the throws of thinking about Thanksgiving and Christmas as I'm sure most of you are. We're excited to have family over to celebrate a great meal and a whole lot of blessings. I'm trying to control my nesting/decorating self who wants to set a PB table like this. I keep finding deals on KSL for silverware (the real stuff) and china and great tablecloths on Etsy. Breathe. Control. Don't need to spend a fortune. Breathe.

And this is such a great house for the holidays. I'm excited to do garland down the staircase and a tree upstairs that you can see when you walk in. I need to see if I can get my brother over here (in his spare time) to hang some lights outside for us. (He does that by the way as a bit of an entrepreneur, because two jobs just aren't enough :)) Olivia gets Christmas this year so she's so excited. We found northpole.com and I made her promise to wait until after Thanksgiving to write her online letter to Santa (She had asked me earlier if I knew his phone number so she could text him--man, these 21st Century kids!).

This week feels great. Like one big Friday. Lots of hope and promise in my life. Lots of good things that have happened to me, many more good things ahead. Some sad and heart-breaking things too. I still miss my dad every day and sometimes it literally takes my breath away. Man, I love that guy. I also haven't even written about my Grandma Cassidy who passed away earlier this month. She definitely deserves her own post though.

Tonight I'm grateful for a cute husband who brings home pizza, a mom who lets us stop in and hang out for hours with no notice, a USOE director who kindly picks up my computer charger when I leave it at the Embassy Suites, and a Kindle filled with good reads (even if they are scary--The Passage).

Sending out my love and gratitude to you if you're reading this.

2010-11-14T20:04:00.002-07:00

Browsing the blogs today and came across this from the Rally to Restore Sanity.

And then my new bff Rachel Held Evans said this most amazing thing.

"But I am convinced that Christians in America can appreciate their country without worshipping it, be politically engaged without being politically consumed, and hold opinions about healthcare and the economy without insisting that God agrees. We can be civil because we know that people are infinitely more valuable than positions. We can be calm because we know that love will win in the end. We can laugh because we’re neither threatened nor dazzled by power."

Amen, sister.

Guest Blogger: Musings on Miles

2010-11-11T22:19:00.004-07:00

Hello everyone that follows my wife's blog--note the correct usage of the apostrophe here. As Thanksgiving creeps up on us, there are many things that I am thankful for. I wanted to talk to you a little bit about one of these things: my little buddy, Otis (he also answers to Miles).

Jenny was in AZ over the weekend and wasn't back until Monday afternoon, so I got to take him to good ol' Dr. V. It was Miles' 18 month checkup and he asked me questions like: Is he using a lot of words, now? (by the way I just discovered on an iMac that if you press the alt/option and the shift keys while pushing the ?, you get this: ¿. Sweet), does he point at things and tell you what they are? Does he react to your facial expressions? Etc., etc., etc. So I thought I'd give you a run-down of all the things he does or says.

Milesisms (with definitions and annotations):

Da da/Daddy (Daddy)
Ma ma/Mommy (Mommy)
Kikan (Chicken)
Kuh Kuh (Binky)
Cheeeeeee! (Cheese--to him, the bread of the Gods)
Cahck (Clock--we have 4,000 of these so he says it many times)
Badee (I think he is saying Buddy, which is way cute)
OOOOHHH (this means roughly HOLY CRAP--THAT IS COOL)
Owwie (Ouch, mostly when he gives you a head but or "bonk"--he loves doing this)
GANOON! (Balloon, this was newly discovered today)
Dicka Dicka Dicka (always in threes--Tickle)
Dickie Dee (not sure if this is a variation of Tickle or something else)
Noo Noo (Noodles of any type)
Nigh Nigh (Night, night)
Gawg (Dog, if you ask him to say "dog" he will usually just stick out his tongue and pant)
Bubpy (Puppy)
Gukk (Duck--of the rubber variety)
Pew-p (Poop, or pee--this is always accompanied by him grabbing the front of his pants or diaper)
BA! (Ball/pinecone/pumpkin/round decorative thing)
Haaagie (Hug, he likes to give these)
uhhhhP (note the special emphasis on the last syllable. This means he wants you to pick him up or get him out of his high-chair--to get down he usually freaks out or does the limp dead body pose until you comply with his wishes)
eeeeeYA (YEAH!)
no no no no (No, of course--followed by violent head shaking)
Bay Bee (Himself, or a baby)
Hmmm? (this is his all purpose question word--usually accompanied by pointing at something, or his word when he is in the car and wanting to have a conversation with you)
Maaa Maw (Grandma)
Papa (Grandpa)

My little buddy. Olivia can get him to laugh just walking in a circle from our dining room, to the entry, hallway, kitchen, dining room, entry, hallway, kitchen, etc. If I slap my head, he will slap my head. If I pat his head, he slaps his own head (alternating between these we can do this for hours). When I tell him that "I'm going to get" him, he runs like a wino chasing a man who just robbed him. He loves his buddy Tad ("10 minutes to night-night!"), and brushing is own hair. Peek-a-boo cracks him up (so does his mommy), and he is always excited to see me when I come home or pick him up from day-care. He always yells "DADDY!" and runs for a hug (Olivia on the other hand could take me or leave me-- one day it's a rousing rendition of "Daddy is the best" and the next is, "oh, its just you...give me an apple juice, wight NOW!"). I love my boy and am glad that he is here with us (mostly because of the comic relief). I'm thankful for him.

Love you, buddy.

~DADDY-O

Grammar Wednesday

2010-11-10T07:54:00.003-07:00

From http://theoatmeal.com/comics/apostrophe.

Thanks, Jared! Hope you all have a wonderful, apostrophe correct day.

p.s. I'm back to school for the first time in a week (conferences, grandma's funeral--more on that later). I seem to have forgotten how to be a teacher.

Halloween

2010-11-02T22:00:00.005-06:00

We had a awesome, long, drawn-out, week-long Halloween. On Tuesday we had our ward's Trunk or Treat which Olivia thought was super-duper. Then Wednesday and Thursday Olivia trick-or-treated at school (Miles joined her Thursday). And Saturday Kira joined us for the neighborhood trek in the rain.

Kira was an awesome pirate; Olivia was Mulan (aka Mexican dancing girl--if you ask her), and Miles was a puppy.

Miles enjoying a reward after all his hard work out in the rain. Jenny happy with both her kids on her lap.

Olivia's oh-my-gosh-I-love-it-so-much tulle bedskirt finally arrived. (I ordered in August). We love it! I just completes her so cute, pink, girly room. I finally got around to hemming her curtains too. Now if I could just find inspiration to fold the laundry.

Argh

2010-10-16T09:59:00.004-06:00

I hate health insurance! Really it's out of control. When I first started teaching I paid NOTHING for health insurance (monthly deductible), I'm sure i had some kind of doctor co-pay, but medication was FREE and everything but the co-pay was covered 100%. (That's what they were talking about when they talked about the great benefits teachers HAD). Now my monthly deductible is over $450 which is probably pretty typical. However, that would mean more than half of my salary would go to insurance and daycare. So we're on Jeff's insurance which is more like $250/mo. It's terrible--I'm not quite sure why we even have it. Prescriptions are ridiculous, there are outrageous deductibles and a trip to the doctor's office is $35 + 20% of whatever they do (as long as you've met your $500 deductible). We got the bill for Miles's trip to Primary Children's for stitches (no one else would even look at him) and it's $550. For stitches!

I've been having insane vertigo lately. In September it kept me in bed for two days. I would vomit if I even turned my head to the side, and then I had another recurrence (luckily not as bad) this last weekend. I got off school for a doctor's appointment with an ENT (a friend had recommended him) and he said, "It's good to see you again. What has it been? 3 years?" And I thought, "silly doctor man, can't keep track of his patients." Well it turns out I HAD been to him three years earlier and completely forgotten. In my defense he moved offices and his name is Craig Anderson, but still, I think the vertigo's getting to me. That's my excuse anyway.

Anyway, he did a bunch of tests and ordered more including an MRI. Before my appointment they called to get everything set up and told me my cost would be $650. Seriously! Why do I have health insurance? Sure it's about a 50% discount, but this is insane.

I know this is a sensitive topic, but something has to be done. I'm a pretty liberal sort of soul (does that surprise you? Okay, I'll be out with it--I think any consenting adults should be able to do what they want--including gays and polygamists--and they probably wouldn't appreciate being lumped together). Everyone keeps crying "socialism" which makes me insane--feels a little bit like McCarthyism--anyone? But I keep coming back to the fact that even though Denmark has one of the highest tax brackets, it was voted the happiest country in the world and their government takes care of a whole lot--including healthcare.

So the MRI is on hold until I can chat with the doctor and find out how essential it is. Until then my inner ear and I continue to battle it out.

A Project

2010-10-14T17:07:00.002-06:00

for the first day of UEA break. Love days off!

The pantry was really so hideous it was impossible to find anything. I kept just shoving stuff in.

It only took me the whole day, but much improved. I like to have baskets for like products--like I put all my baking products together and can just pull out the whole basket when I'm making cookies. My goal is to keep it looking like this so I'm not doing this again in two months.

Why I'm Old

2010-10-11T16:12:00.002-06:00

Reasons Why I'm Old...

I typed--on a typewriter--my first high school English paper
I didn't get a cell phone until I graduated from college
I think going to bed at 8 p.m. sounds like heaven
I have no idea who Justin Beiber or Lady Gaga is
I like naps
I eat dinner before most people get off work
I like dark chocolate and coffee-flavored ice cream (and hate cotton candy)
I'd much rather talk than run around and "play"
I like the news
I have a step-daughter in high school!

The Weekend

2010-10-10T22:17:00.001-06:00

The weekend in quick review:

LSAT (law school admissions test)--that would be Jeff (no pressure)

Lots of vertigo (that would be Jenny)--no bueno

The zoo--hence the pics

What's Been Goin' On

2010-10-03T14:02:00.003-06:00

Thought I'd give you a house update because that is pretty much what I think about all the time when I'm not thinking about school.

The ginormous dining room. Seriously. You can't really get it until you see it in person. Our table is 10 feet long.

Scored the details here from Down East Home. I believe you've already met my table. But the chairs say "hello" too. That's my super great KSL chandelier.

Living room. Still a work in progress. Not too happy with the rug, but we'll see. I had the window seat cushion made on etsy. LOVE IT! I've also been sewing pillows for all the seating. Fun! You can't really tell but I have autumnal things up on the mantle.

Entry hallway.

This is my super-duper deal room. PB Bed $170 (ksl), dresser $150, PB dollhouse that you can't see ($20), PB Barbie bedding $40. One happy girl...priceless.

An amazingly organized closet (it didn't always look like this). Love that each bedroom (except Kira's) has a walk-in closet.

Speaking of...Milesy-man's closet

Miles's room. We're going with a sailboat theme, but are just starting...

Happy little reading nook...(KSL deal chair $200, Etsy sign)

Across from the happy little library.

Thanks for looking at my house. I'm sorry I told you the price of everything; I know that's tacky; I just can't help myself.

Babies

2010-09-29T18:25:00.003-06:00

I love blogs. I find it very amusing to blog stalk people. It's amazing how one blog can lead you to another, which will lead you to another, and another and etc.

In my blog journey tonight I came across this great thought from Ashley at birdonthelawn. Her kids have interesting names, but I could so relate to her mom experiences.

Our first born son was and is a little tiny dream. His face is perfect and his demeanor is so calm and warm. I love him so much and, like Dotter, I loved him instantly. Love takes on new meanings in motherhood. This love feels less epic and more assured and steady. With Dotter I was not only giving birth to a child, but I was giving birth to my mother-self, to a part of myself that would never be the same. My first birth experience stripped me of pride and expectation and prized me with love and sacrifice in my arms. My second also stripped me of pride while assuring me that I am exactly who I need to be- Dotter and Sonshine's mom.

p.s. I'm at Parent Teacher Conferences which is just fine and uneventful and long.